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georgeweasleyslostearhq · 2 years ago

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can i get an ajax request where they get into a fight (u can make it about whatever), and ajax gets mad at reader so they’ve gotta make it up to him somehow. loll like an angsty start with a fluff ending

MIGHT BE IT

Pairings: Ajax Petropolus x Fem!reader Summary: ^^^ Warnings: fight, angst.

white knuckles, clenched jaw, killer headache's.

your eyes are on fire and they're burning from the tears. you've been crying for what feels like years.

it was so stupid and purely out of his jealousy.

"is there something wrong with you that you can't see it?" Ajax yelled at you, his hands throwing up in the air as he paced around the room, his nose flared as he took sharp, quick breaths.

"there is absolutely nobody else! is there something wrong with you that you don't trust me?" you shouted at him, your hands in your lap as they shook in fear and anger

you had been focused on studying and working your shift at the café in town 'too much' and not paying attention to him, making him think there was someone else you were seeing that was in town.

so that's what brought him to your dorm, at 11 at night

"how am I supposed to trust you when I don't see you, you have made no time for me, I'm your last priority and I'm sick of it! I've had enough!"

"school is more important than us! Ajax you can't look me in the eyes and tell me we'll last forever because we don't know that as much as we might want it to, people change, feelings change, we don't know what will happen and I don't want to put you first in case we don't last" you stated, sobbing as you stood up to keep your shaky ground

"well clearly your feelings have changed already, and it's obvious that I'm not even on the list of priorities anymore, hell buying teddy bears are before me," he shrugged, pointing to the pile of stuffed teddy's in the corner of your room

"they haven't changed! I still care for you so much! you are on the list, I promise!" you argued, going in to hug him but he pushed you away

"you're full of shit! I haven't seen you in weeks! and you can't even say you love me anymore!" he sighed heavily, his hand in a tight fist as he looked at you

he wasn't a guy to get mad that easily, but if he didn't get enough attention from the one he so desperately loves, he grows irritated and makes up scenarios in his head to justify your actions until he can't no more

"I can, I say it all the time! look, you've had a shit day and you saying this because your tired, just go have some sleep and we will talk tomorrow, after all, it's Saturday" you nodded your head, trying to get him to understand

"I have had a shit month, do you not realize I haven't been able to sleep without you next to me? if I go back to my bed, all I'm gonna do is lay there in self pity, wandering what I did for you to leave me" he teared up as he paused

"trying to remember what it's like to hug you and actually talk to you"

it was silent for a moment, you stood there, hugging yourself as you cried violently with him there, standing there in front of you but his eyes anywhere but on you

"you have work tomorrow" he stated, knowing you won't talk to each other for a long time after this

"I think this might be it for us"

"you don't mean that" you sobbed, stepping towards him desperately, but he only walked around you, towards the door

"no, I do! I mean every bit of it! I'm sick of not knowing how you are o- or what's going on in your life! I'm tired of walking into the Weathervane and seeing Tyler all over you! I've had enough" he yelled, grabbing the door handle and walking out of your room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

you stood there, your head pounding as you stared at the door, waiting for it to open to reveal you beloved boyfriend again, but with a smile planted on his face and we went to hug you.'

but he was never there again. the door never opened.

you backed up into your bed and flopped on the mattress as you cried, staring at the ceiling that seemed more blank then usual.

you never wanted it to end like this. you never wanted it to end full stop. all you wanted was some time to yourself to fully commit to Ajax and time to study.

you cried all night, wondering if that was really it, if that was actually the end of you and Ajax.

you didn't sleep that night, wondering if Ajax wasn't either.

he wasn't. technically.

when Ajax got to his dorm, he went straight to the bathroom with tears in his eyes, he looked at himself in the mirror.

he was a mess, he reached up to his beanie and wished his power was permanent as he pulled it off, his body turning to stone just as a tear fell from his eye, the salty drop of water rolling down his stoned cheek, leaving a dark grey streak against the light grey stone of his face.

he knew he wouldn't get any sleep and he was exhausted, so at least he was unconscious.

you walked towards the door, knocking on it softly.

you awaited for the arrival of Ajax after knocking again

you had called Tyler before your shift and told him you felt too sick to come into work.

"Ajax?" you called out through the door, you didn't fully expect him to answer, but you did think he would at least tell you to go away

you felt the doorknob and twisted it slowly, the door opening as you quietly pushed it.

you peaked your head in, looking around the one bed dorm, seeing it empty.

you stepped in, holding your tote bag close to you

"Ajax?" you called out again, looking around further, seeing no one. you looked over at his bathroom, seeing it cracked open. you cautiously strolled over to the door and opened it after hearing no noise coming from it.

you walked in, seeing Ajax fixing his beanie, the mirror covered

"what are you doing here?" he asked, looking at the bag clutched to your side.

you reached in the bag and pulled out one of his zip up hoodies, handing it to him

he nodded his head, understanding what was going on

"already giving my stuff back, thanks" he said disappointedly

"doesn't smell like you anymore" you stated, shaking your head at his statement

"I'm really sorry I haven't made time for you, I love you, I really do. I-I'll try harder, I'll spend every second with you if even a part of you still wants me, I can't lose you, Ajax." you sobbed, walking closer to him

you pulled out something from your bag and gave it to him

"even if it was my fault I missed you. I couldn't help but buy these. I have...too much of them, every time I get paid, I go to the store and buy as many as I can with the money." you smiled softly as he held the stuffed snake

he looked at you and stepped closer, pulling you towards him. holding you in a month awaited embrace

"I love you, so much, I don't know what you want me to do to show you that, I'll quit at the weathervane if you want, but I do need to study" you whispered in his chest, humming at the warmth

"I don't see how we can't just study together, even if it's just for a minute a day I'll be happy, just as long as I see you" he shook his head

"ok, not a single minute, make it 10" he chuckled quietly

"you don't have to quit, but just stop spending all your money on these, just have one of these" he pulled of one of his rings that slithered around his fingers, dropping it in your hand

"I love you" he muttered

you looked at him and smiled, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

he grabbed your face and redirected you to meet his own lips

"I missed you"

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#ajax petropolus x reader #ajax x reader #ajax petropolus #wednesday fanfiction #wednesday series #netflix wednesday #georgie farmer #imagines #angst #cute #ajax petropolus imagine

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nobodylikety · 11 months ago

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Hello again loved the first fic thank you for writing it and am back with a new fic idea. What about a Momo fic where she is a college student and go’s a year below her girlfriend/partner (you can choose if it’s fem reader or Gn reader I don’t mind either) and Momo takes late night classes to and when she comes home to see her S/0 asleep on the desk studying for finals and knowing if she leaves them there they back going to hurt in the morning so she moves them to bed but it wakes them up and they say they need to study for finals but Momo doesn’t listen and sends them to bed.

Hope you have a good Christmas or holiday season btw

Hey, hello again! I'm happy that you like the previous fic <3 omg omg I love your ideas, they're really interesting! so here it goes, hope you like it ;)

ps: I hope you had a good Christmas <33

momo x gn reader! tags: college au! gn reader is very stubborn and doesn't want to sleep!

summary: It's finals week, and you're definitely not going to bed. Momo is trying everything she can think of to put those tired college neurons to sleep.

note: basically this gn reader studies archeology because, well, it's what I study and I think it's the only thing I master without having to resort to writing something probably inaccurate.

It's finals week, which in university parlance means having the most memorable academic comeback in order to save the semester.

So given this forecast, your room in the student residence has been completely prepared for the almost apocalyptic days that lie ahead. The whiteboard hanging above your desk has been filled with your handwriting—which may be neat and legible, depending on factors like hand pain—presenting a meticulous to-do list organized according to schedules, with half-hour increments between each. Every available surface has been covered in cards and post-its; Even the shower, with worksheets neatly tucked into sheet protectors and taped to the curtain.

In turn, the kitchen has been stocked with frozen dinners and a delicious variety of canned goods, plus not necessarily very healthy snacks, courtesy of the mid-week trip to the supermarket.

Now, back to the present, you were hunched over one of many notebooks, backlit by the dim fluorescent light of the IKEA desk lamp. You had a pile of textbooks next to him, as well as the pen in your hand and a half-written sheet of notes. “Robert Kelly (2003) prologue: Almost the entire world was initially colonized by people with an adaptation to foraging. Therefore, the adaptation of hunter-gatherers to “empty” landmasses is….”

However, before you could continue writing, you leaned your head against the desk, tiredly. You weren't going to take a nap, of course not, you were just resting for a moment. Yeah…,, just a moment. Lights out.

So while you're absolutely-not-napping, Momo comes to your room with the intention of hanging out after her night classes. However, you are practically spread out over a pile of books, the pen held loosely in your hand, and the freaking Robert Kelly note (2003) unfinished. It's not exactly a comfortable position, quite the contrary, but in the deep sleep you're in —that of a college student whose last night of decent sleep seems to have been in kindergarten—you don't realize it. But Momo does.

“God, their back is going to hurt tomorrow if they keeps this up,” Momo murmurs, leaving her backpack on the floor as she walks towards you, almost on tiptoe, as if she doesn't want to make a sound. She gently plants her hand on your shoulder, shaking it slowly, seeking a reaction from you.

A snore, and you change position. But it's still an awkward position, and Momo still knows that she'll hurt your back if you continue like this. She tries again. She shakes your shoulder, harder this time. There is no reaction, other than a grumpy complaint. That makes her giggle, because the truth is that when you're sleepy, you get grumpy. Like a baby with few hours of sleep.

“Okay, this isn't going to work,” she sighs, hands on her hips and staring at your sleeping form on the desk. Thinking.

Momo gives up on the idea of making you wake up. So she does the second most logical thing: take you to bed.

Which is fine in fact, great, with the slightest inconvenience that halfway through (she's dragging you, putting your arm over her shoulder, while her hand holds onto your side) you wake up. Kinda. Something like that. You're only 10% awake, but that 10% wants to study for finals, not sleep.

“Moguri, I have to continue studying…” You complain sleepily, between yawns. You try to move away from Momo's gentle grasp, the one who intends to take you to bed so that you can finally fall asleep.

“Oh, please,” Momo chuckles, rolling her eyes. “You're barely standing. How do you intend to study like this?”

“I'll have a coffee” You respond, more out of instinct than anything else.

“But you hate coffee.”

"Fair point. So, some kind of drink that TikTok recommends to me.”

“You're really stubborn, aren't you?” Momo wrinkles her nose in a tender gesture, before nuzzle your cheek with it. You only respond with an 'mhm', while nodding. “Also, you always say you don't trust someone whose source of information is TikTok.”

“I can always change my mind” Momo just laughs, dragging you to your bed. She doesn't get you to lie down right away, so you're both sitting, you resting your head on her shoulder.

She sighs, causing the shoulder you're leaning on to rise slightly, before returning to its original position. She gives you a fond look, using her free hand to tangle in your hair, rubbing it slowly. They are sweet, comforting caresses that could easily put you to sleep...

"I have to study. Seriously, I'm missing a lot about definitions of hunter-gatherers, and theories of American settlement…”

“What you have to do is go to bed. Come on, I'll even snuggle you.” Momo's fingers continue to tangle in her hair, rubbing your head in soothing circular motions.

“Unfortunately, I can't” You are like a stubborn child. You get grumpy from lack of sleep, but you don't want to sleep either. It's like Shrödinger's cat paradox, you are asleep and awake at the same time, in a superposition of states according to how you don't want to sleep even when you are sleepy.

“Hun, I'm not sure what part of 'bedtime' you don't understand. 'Bedtime' is not me announcing what I'm going to do next. 'Bedtime' is a suggestion of something that might be beneficial to your overall health and well-being.”

“Damn my health and general well-being.” With an exaggeratedly cheerful tone, you stand up and prepare to return to your desk. “Why sleep when there is work to do?”

“Because you're going to reach a point where you won't be able to do the work and your body will force you to sleep.” Momo is basically a year below you, but since finals week started, she seems to be the one in charge. The responsible one. Because you, with a maximum of 4 hours of sleep during the day, can't do much. You are so focused on studying, that you would be negligent of yourself for the sake of studying.

You are very willing to return to your desk to work. Really. Totally willing. But when you hear Momo talk to you like this, so worried (about you), so comforting, and expressing affection so easily, you doubt your decision.

Because usually, Momo's praise washes over you like a warm bath at the end of a long day, or a steaming bowl of soup on a winter's night. Something welcome and comforting, that she warms you from head to toe. Maybe sleeping isn't so bad. Not if Momo is with you.

“...maybe I could take a nap,” You admit, slowly turning to Momo. She is still sitting on your bed, smiling softly. She knows that you put aside your stubbornness and came to your senses. “But only if you stay with me.”

Momo's expression softens, and she pats the space next to her, inviting you.

“Come, let's go to sleep. Tomorrow you will study.”

“Yeah, because I still have to study Binford, Schiffer, Kelly again…”

“You'll do that tomorrow, Alan Grant” Momo teases you a little, calling you in a loving tone by the name of the Jurassic Park character.

“Actually Alan Grant was a paleontologist, not an archaeologist…” Momo silences you with a small kiss on the lips, pulling you to lie down. “Oh, well, it doesn't really matter.”

Because the fact that Momo prefers to call you Alan Grant and not Indiana Jones, or that you still haven't finished writing that damn note that still lies on your desk, doesn't matter now. The most important thing is that it’s time to sleep.

And that studying for finals can wait.

#momo x reader #momo twice

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burrowkit · 1 month ago

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hey, just a quick fun fact, tip for those who may need to hear/read/see this: sometimes, the signs of an abusive work can be the same signs that [my] school ("they") taught me about abusive [dating/romantic] relationships.

sure, it's a little different, but the concepts are the same.

an abusive workplace can/will prevent you from leaving [house/work/office/etc.], just as "they" talk about abusive partners making it hard for you to leave.

{example: they give you so much work that they pile on so you can't see your family, friends, go for interviews because you're burned out and tired and can't do or go anywhere}

an abusive workplace can/will love bomb. Yeah, maybe they aren't sending me chocolates and flowers to try and make me forget what they're doing and to appreciate them.

{I don't really have a good example, since I think this is really "I messed up, here's something to compensate", but good companies will also appreciate and give you stuff anyways}

an abusive workplace can/will make false promises. The whole "baby please, I promise I'll change" but won't.

{I'll give you the raise I kept promising you, I'll make your life easier but won't, I promise I'm not making you work every other weekend with no days off but now you need to work that weekend, etc.}

I don't remember all the signs of an abusive relationship, since at the time I wasn't super into romance (still am not), but anyways.

But seriously, some places will work you until you're broken.

Oh, and some places do have a bit of a Golden Child / Scapegoat situation going on, so be wary of that too!

Edit: TW Dark Place Mentioned in Keep Reading

Maybe this'll "out" me to people who know me... but I was at an abusive workplace. It broke me.

That proverbial wall people keep talking about when they hit their breaking point? Not so fun fact, if you're shoved to the top of it, turns out...

It's this wall built on the edge of a cliff to keep you from falling over. On the other side of the wall is just empty space. Empty space leading down to sharp rocks and shallow water. Super pretty picture. Absolutely terrifying place to be.

That's the point where I was crying multiple times a day, because I didn't want to go to bed because I didn't want to get up for work. Then I'd break down trying to get ready for work.

I couldn't take a sick day. There was no one to replace me with, and besides, I was still the contact person.

That's the point where someone [my mom at the time] had to stay up every night to ensure I made it to bed safely. Not that there was a risk of me doing anything, but I also couldn't keep working there anymore.

I jokingly (and slightly seriously) tell people that the company has a department called The Dream Department. Their role? To send people planning to leaving, are leaving, or have left, various nightmares to make them want to stay/come back.

My scary point to prove this department exists? In my dream (been out for a bit now and I still get these nightmares) one time I realized the nightmare wasn't the place I left to be happy at, but the old place, I snapped awake.

This Dream Department tried to get me to come back by saying "look, there's all these people you like. Oh, don't talk to those people (who will tell you not to come back for your own health), talk to these people! Oh, no salary discussions for the job offer we're giving you in this dream world"

I am trying to move on, I swear, I am.

It's been awhile now and I still can't go near their office without wanting to throw up. Without shaking so terribly once I get to the location nearby that it's hard to do anything.

This new job I'm now at has so many similar (non abusive) things, that I started getting flashbacks.

My throat started to close.

Doctor thinks it's stress-induced. You know, like remembering being at the bad place.

#abusive work #recovering from a bad workplace #trying to move on #tw dark place #dark place in read more

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max-v0lum3 · 6 months ago

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kinger x reader fanfic?

ou just bought a VR headset off a Weird website. But when you put it on you black out, you then wake up in a... Circus? Well, it looks like one. Still very confused about the situation you back up and trip over a line of people but someone caught you, it was a, chest piece? He flinched. Kinger screamed "AH! WHAT ARE YOU!?" but then calmed down when he realized you were just a new character, also he noticed you were... Very pretty. Kinger sighed "Oh.. Your a new character." Jax groaned "woooooow, haven't even been here for two minutes and you already get up close and personally with Kinger, huh new stuff?" a purple rabbit says to you. Zooble strangle's Jax (she does it a lot)Zooble grimaced "Shut up Jax!" Kinger smiles nervously. "Do you want to see my pillow fort?" kinger asks you.

"Uh....yeah sure!" you smile at him kindly.

His eyes lit up at her response, as if he had finally found an ally amidst all this chaos. "Oh, are you sure? It's not exactly the most impressive thing, but I've spent ages making it!" He started leading you towards his little corner of the circus tent, where there was indeed a small, well-constructed pillow fort. As they walked, he kept glancing nervously around, almost expecting some sort of attack from the other characters. His hands were shaking slightly, but he tried to hide it by fiddling with his crown-like chestpiece. "You're nervous aren't you, Darling?"

His face turned bright red at her observation, looking like a tomato. He nodded quickly, trying to avoid eye contact. "Y-yeah... I am. Can't help it, really. There's so many weirdos around here. And I'm not sure what any of them want with me." Even though he said that, he didn't seem too bothered by it. Instead, he seemed more concerned about how she might react to him being paranoid. "But don't worry about me, love. Just focus on your own self, alright?"

I nod in agreement "Alright..." We head into the fort. I trip over my feet and fall on a pile of pillows. "Damnit!"

Kinger winced as he heard you trip and fall, but instead of helping you up right away, he froze. He watched as you fell onto the pile of pillows, waiting for some sort of reaction from the other characters around them.After a few moments passed without anything happening, he slowly approached you, offering her a hand to help you up. "Are you alright, love?" He asked, his voice shaky but filled with concern. Even though he was worried about getting hurt himself, he still cared about others.

I giggle "Yes, Kinger...I'm fine!"

Kinger blinked in surprise as you giggled, his heart pounding in his chest. Were you laughing at him? Or maybe you were hurt and trying to hide it? Either way, he felt relieved. "That's a good laugh, love. You're okay, yeah?" He asked, trying to keep his tone light despite the anxiety gnawing at him. Despite everything, he couldn't ignore the fact that they were cute when they laughed. But he knew better than to get attached to anyone or anything here. With a shaky breath, he helped them up, making sure they wasn't injured before letting out a sigh of relief. His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for their next move, hoping they wouldn't be too freaked out by his presence.

I yawn "Sorry, I didn't sleep much... I don't sleep much at all."

Kinger's eyebrows furrowed as he saw your yawn, and he couldn't help but wonder if you were tired. He'd seen plenty of characters sleep in corners of the circus tent, but seeing someone else doing it made him realize how exhausted he was."You must be knackered, love. No wonder you tripped over yourself." He commented, trying to sound reassuring. He was used to exhaustion, but seeing another character dealing with it made him feel a bit less alone. Without thinking too much about it, he offered you a spot in his pillow fort. It wasn't big enough for both of them, but he could squeeze in next to her if they wanted company.

I snuggle him and fall asleep.

Kinger's eyes widened in shock as they snuggled up against him, practically melting into his side. He froze, his body stiffening up as he felt their warmth seeping into him. But after a few moments, he realized that they were falling asleep. And that meant they trusted him, right? Slowly, hesitantly, he wrapped an arm around them, pulling her closer to him. His mind was racing, wondering if he should wake them up or let them sleep. But in the end, he decided to let them rest. After all, who was he to disturb your sleep?And so, he ended up holding her while you slept, his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for whatever came next...

Thank you for reading.

SPREAD WORD ABOUT MY BLOG!!!

#spread the word about my blog please!

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raggaraddy · 3 years ago

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Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh.

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n. I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

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flamingo-writes · 3 years ago

Note

Okay so I heard you also write about dark themes (y/n has a stalker in this request certain parts don’t have to be described it can be as vague as you want it to be)

And I wanted to request a Draken x fem reader in which they broke up because she thinks he still has feelings for Emma and thinks he’s been cheating b/c he’s been really distant from her but in reality he really does love her yes he’s been thinking of Emma but now realizes his mistake, and one night as readers at home her stalker breaks in her house and forces himself on her but she tries to make an escape n call draken not realizing he’s coming over to try n talk with her but he realizes somethings wrong and comes in to save her after seeing her stalker have his way with her all he sees is red and almost kills the guy and when they get to the hospital they rekindle n get back together and draken promises to protect her from now on

Yes I do! Ah, I loved the amount if angst in this request, writing this was fun (I mean, not because of what happens, but because I enjoy writing complex emotions)

Pull Me Down — Draken x Reader

(Tittle inspired in the song How Not To Drown from Chvrches as the song helped me out a lot both lyrics and music wise to set a vibe while writing)

Word Count: 3.1K

Warnings: Non graphic depictions of rape (still somewhat described), stalking, violence, angst.

How long had it been? The last several days, maybe weeks, have all felt the same, looked the same...Has it been months now? Dull, empty, repetitive, sometimes feeling as if you weren’t awake at all and everything felt like a broken old tape, replaying the same greyscale routine with barely any sound, if anything, an annoying buzz in your ears. Barely any familiar faces remained in your life after you broke up with him.

But, it was better this way, wasn’t it? Better being alone than being with the wrong people...wasn’t it? You were better off alone.

Mitsuya had tried talking to you a couple of times. Possibly the only friend you had by this point, as everyone else seemed to fade away from your life as soon as you took him out of the equation.

“You look skinnier” He pointed out as he held a paper bag in his hand. “Here” He said, stretching his hand, handing you the bag. “You need to eat”

“What’s this?” You asked, trying to feign a smile as seeing Mitsuya hurt as much as seeing, hear or even think of Draken. After all, he had introduced you to Mitsuya.

“Bento. I made it myself. Eat up” He said as he gave you a kind and warm smile, however, his eyes looked concerned. You knew he could look beyond your broken mask and see how you were not doing well.

Barely sleeping, barely eating, you did the minimum effort in your classes in college, and avoided the street where his workshop was, as well as avoiding the places where he and his friends spent the most time in. However, Mitsuya always went out of his way to pay you a visit and check up on you.

“Thanks…” You purred as you looked into his eyes. “I-I’ll...try…”

“Hey, I’m worried about you” He said, his voice getting lower. “It’s been two months now...and you still look like shit”

“Oh, shut up” You hissed annoyed as you crossed your arms.

“It’s still affecting you”

“You think?” You barked sarcastically as you raised an eyebrow.

“Have you even been trying to get up on your feet? Or do you still want to lay at the bottom of your pit of misery?” Mitsuya said, hisnvoice getting slightly colder, as he hated seeing you too comfortable in your little pit of misery.

“Come on Mitsuya, I am...trying…” You growled.

“Are you, really? I know you still love him, and I know you can’t let go of him…” his stare and voice softened as he saw the way your eyes got teary at his words.

You looked away, as a huge lump soon overtook your throat, making it hard to breath, to speak, even think.

“What do you suggest I do, then?” Your voice broke at the end, as a few tears escaped your eyes, trying your best to keep your composure.

“Talk to him” Mitsuya said calmly, as if it was the easiest thing to do.

“Oh, fuck off” you laughed bitterly as turned around, ready to get back inside your apartment when Mitsuya held your arm gently.

“I’m serious,” He said, whispering your name in a low voice. “Listen, don’t tell Draken I told you this, but he isn’t doing great either...He’s been overworking himself and avoiding talking about it even more than you are” He explained calmly as you looked at him. “Look, I get the reason why you broke up with him, but, can’t you see you’re still in love with him? Why break up with him if you were head over heels for him? And don’t bring up Emma, you know that’s bullshit” He said, perfectly reading your thoughts.

“Are you done, Mitsuya?” you whispered, tears finally breaking free and falling down your cheeks as you moved your arm, and he let go of you.

“God, you’re just like him. If you talked about it, trust me, you’d feel even better...Go talk to him, stop being so stubborn” He said, staring at you, as you simply avoided looking at him as more and more tears welled in your eyes, blurring your sigh.

“How did it go?” Mikey asked Mitsuya softly as they both looked at Draken too focused working on a bike.

“God, for a second I thought it was going to be easier talking to her…” He replied in a low voice, slightly annoyed.

“Kennchin wants to get back with her,” Mikey said looking at Mitsuya as he nodded softly.

“Of course he does. She wants to as well, but she’s being stubborn…” Mitsuya said calmly. “Did he say something?”

“I asked him about her, he changed the topic right away, then I asked about Emma, he stayed silent...He still feels somewhat guilty for what happened to her, and apologized to me about ending things with her...He’s over Emma...But as soon as I even mention her name, he closes his fist and his knuckles turn white, he looks away, and changes the topic…He didn’t tell me, but I know he misses her...” Mikey explained as he looked at Draken.

Truth was, neither of them saw Draken like that before he met you. He was the calm, collected and always analyzing guy. He never acted impulsively, relying on his guts alone, he always had a plan. But when it came about you? You were his weakness. He acted without thinking when it came to you, he was spontaneous, and unpredictable. But only when he was with you.

“Kennchin, Mitsuya’s here…” Mikey said standing up from his seat and walking towards him and the bike. “Let’s go grab lunch, yes?”

“Almost done…” Draken answered as he was cleaning the pieces he had lying on the ground.

After Draken was done, the three of them headed to a ramen place and had lunch. Mitsuya wanted to bring up the situation but found it hard. He didn’t want to upset Draken, but knew he was hurting as much as you were. Mitsuya’d been torn by the breakup of both his friends. He struggled with having to split his free time and be around both of them, since they both needed a friend more than ever. But he didn't want that to end. Especially Since he knew both sides of the story. And it all looked like a dumb break up that wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

“You went to her place earlier, didn’t you?” Draken asked out of the blue.

“How did you…”

“You smell like her” He said cutting him off.

Mitsuya looked at his jacket and grabbed the neck of it and smelled the fabric. After he had called you stubborn and that you reminded him of Draken, you broke down crying. He hugged you and you clung to him for your dear life. He looked at Draken as he stared blankly at his food, his hand shaking lightly.

“Kennchin” Mikey began as he looked at him, noticing the way Draken had his jaw clenched at his eyes looked hollow.

"You go often to see her, don't you? I can tell when you do...you always end up smelling like her…"

"I check up on her every now and then...No-nothing happens, though...I just make sure she's fine…" Mitsuya explained, as he realized how bad it looked that he was smelling like her every time he went to see her.

"I know...she's not like that...and I know you wouldn't mess with her either...I'm not mad at you" He said softly, as Mitsuya noticed what Mikey had said earlier. Draken was gripping his chop sticks too hard, his knuckles white.

"What are you mad at, then?" Mikey broke the uncomfortable silence.

“I’ll go talk to her” Draken said as he continued eating.

“A-are you?” Mitsuya stuttered.

“I’m tired of dreaming of her every night, and food always tasting like shit, I'm…" he stopped softly. "Dammit, I miss her…" he said letting go of his chops ticks and spoon and staring blankly at his barely touched ramen. "I really really do…"

"When will you go talk to her?" Mikey asked.

"Tonight"

The night was quite cool, but the last days had been a torture with the awful heat. With all of your windows open, you were scrolling through your phone, not doing anything in particular. You looked at the bento boxes piled up messily waiting to be washed and returned to Mitsuya. You dreaded washing the dishes, as you grabbed your cup of coffee and gave it a sip.

A shadow moving through the window caught your attention as you put your phone down and looked out into the backyard. The darkness swallowed the edge of your backyard, looking creepier than ever before as you wondered if it had been a raccoon or a cat.

As Draken made his way to your place, he kept going on over what to say to you. He had a pretty vague idea of what to say. But where would he start? An apology? Straight out telling her he misses her?

His thoughts were cut shirt when his phone began ringing in the pocket of his hoodie. He pulled his phone out, seeing your name shining in the screen. His heart skipped a beat as an unexplained happiness washed over him. He picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, I was just about to call yo—"

"Ken, please help" A hideous whisper soon made his blood turn cold as your cry for help suddenly made his world spin far too fast for his liking.

"Whats wrong?" He asked.

You soon broke down crying as he tried comforting you.

"I'm so, so sorry, I didn't know who else to call...and you're in my speed dial…" you sobbed in a low voice.

"Y/N, tell me, what's wrong? Are you alright?" He asked, his voice getting lower as his heart was beating strong in his head, almost giving him a headache.

"Someone broke into my house, Ken. Please, I'm scared" you sobbed as his heart dropped to his stomach at the idea of you being in danger.

"Shit. Okay, I'll call the police. Don't hang up, I'll be back with you as soon as I contact thr police"

He soon started working on it. He put you on hold as he called the emergency number and explained the situation. He gave them your address as well as his name out of protocol. Once the person in the other end assured him the police were on his way, he quickly returned to his call with you.

The horror he felt earlier was nothing compared to what he was about to experience. His heart stopped, his blood froze, he felt paralyzed by the sounds on the other end of the call, as he could only imagine what was happening.

You were crying and gasping painfully, a rhythmic thud noise going over and over followed by the grunts of a male voice. Commanding you to be quiet and cooperate or else it'll hurt worse.

Draken's mind went numb, and suddenly, everything he could see was red. He picked up quickly on what was going on, as the biggest feeling of impotence rushed through his body, warming up his blood. And soon, he was sprinting as fast as he could towards your place.

Draken walked snuck into your backyard, his first instinct to sneak in and beat the shit of the intruder. However, he had no idea what he was about to walk into.

The backyard door lead to the kitchen and as he stood on the other side of the glass sliding door, he saw it. His heart stopped and suddenly his heart was beating fast, his blood boiling, his stomach turned painfully as his ears began buzzing loudly.

The way he was forcing on to you. The intruder had you leaning over the table, practically crushing you against it. Your face washed with horror, tears streaming down your eyes as you cried and whimpered useless pleads for him to leave you alone. The aggressive way in which he was pushing, torturing you as his eyes stared hungrily at you like a wild animal. Watching some random guy getting his way with the woman he loved made something in him snap.

Draken's world crumbled down the moment you spotted him from the other side of the door. Your eyes, hopeless, met him. As the pain in your face permeated into his own body

"Help me" you mouthed.

He didn't hear you, but he could clearly read your lips. In a split of a second his heart was beating hard.

Without realizing it, he sprinted towards the door, sliding it open and in a swift move, as your attacker looked up, Draken hit him on the neck with his forearm.

Pushing him to the ground, your stalker fell on his bum as he coughed loudly. Draken didn't waste any time as he kicked him on the crotch and sat on top of him, beating his face over and over. The buzz still loud in his head as he hit him repeatedly. His anger driving him on and on as he couldn't think.

You slid to the floor, breaking down crying as you felt your legs and hips sore. Your mind was blank, as the recent memories kept rushing into your mind as you cried and sobbed, shaking.

Your eyes slowly scanned the kitchen as they finally landed on Draken. He looked possessed as he kept beating the shit out of your stalker.

"Ke-Ken…" you sobbed.

It worked like an automatic button. Draken, upon hearing your voice, stopped at once. He got off your attacker and rushed towards you. He knelt by your side and hugged you tightly. Clinging to him, you cried out loudly. He squeezed you against him, in an attempt to comfort you as he ran his hand through your hair.

As he pulled back from you, he looked at you. Your clothes torn, your shorts pooled by your ankles. And bruises. Many bruises all over your legs, arms, even your neck.

Draken's eyes got tearful as seeing you in such a state. It pained him. How could he let something like this happen to you? He took off his hoodie and wrapped it around your shoulders. He kissed your forehead as your breath hitched.

"It's okay, baby" he whispered. "I'm here…"

"Ple-please don't leave…" you sobbed, your shaky hand tugging on his white shirt as he looked at you.

"I won't" he reassured you, as red and blue lights blinked from the window.

The police kicked the door open and quickly spread around the house searching for anyone. Two officers walked inside the kitchen and saw the entire scene.

Draken always hated hospitals. The wide white, silent, and odd smell of the waiting room. He disliked every bit of it. Even more now. As he was desperately waiting for any sign from you. He looked desperately at every doctor and nurse who walked out, hoping that any of you knew anything about you.

After a nurse walked out, Draken quickly rushed to her side asking her about you. The nursed told him he could go inside and before she could say anything else, he was already in there, as his eyes desperately looked for you.

He saw a doctor talking to you as you nodded. Your eyes still red, and your stare dissociated as you simply nodded like a broken robot. Draken rushed to your side, as he bowed politely to the doctor.

"Ah, you're the boyfriend" he doctor said, as your first reaction was to cling to Draken and sob softly.

Draken hugged you tightly, one of his hands going to your hair. He looked at the doctor without saying anything.

"None of her injuries are critical. We will be running a few tests over the next few days to make sure she is alright with no STD's his attacker might have. She'll be prescribed a couple of medications for preventing measures only as well as some pain killers"

Draken nodded as he kissed the top of your head.

"May I have a word with you, sir?" Draken nodded at the doctor's request.

"I'll go talk to the doctor, love...I'll be back in a bit, yes?" He purred softly as your grip on his clothes tightened and pulled him closer as he tried to break the hug. "Hey, it'll be quick, okay? After I return, I'll stay with you for as long as you want, okay? I won't go anywhere without you…" he purred softly as he kissed your forehead.

You nodded reluctantly as you let him go. He grabbed one of your hands and kissed her hand before going out of the ER with the doctor.

"I'm so sorry about what happened" The Doctor began as Draken limited to look at him with a cold stare. "This is a tough situation. Not only on the physical aspect of it. These things take a huge toll in the victim, I suggest you contact a specialist that can help you two deal with what happened…"

"We will" Draken answered softly as he felt his heart squeezing as the memories of seeing your stalker on top of you.

"Its not necessary for her to stay over the night. But I'd like to see her tomorrow and three days from now as well, just to make sure everything is well and to keep running tests…"

Draken nodded as he bowed once more thanking the doctor before heading back inside the ER towards your bed.

His eyes teared up immediately at the sight of you. He approached you and slowly cupped your face in his big hands and brought you closer, kissing your forehead.

"I'm so, so sorry, babe" he sobbed and pressed his forehead against yours. "This shouldn't have happened…I wasn't there to protect you" he whispered bitterly, mad at himself even when he, objectively, knew it wasn't his fault. His mind was desperately looking for someone to blame.

"Ken" you cried softly as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer as he hugged you back. "Please don't leave. I'm scared…"

"I won't, princess. I'll stay by your side. I'll keep you safe" he said as he pulled back slowly. "Let's go home…" he purred as you shook your head, whimpering.

"I don't want to go back there" you cried.

"Let's go to my place then…" he whispered, wiping your tears away from your face. "I'm renting a small apartment above the shop...it's not that big but, we can both fit perfectly. I'll make us some dinner, you can take a bath in the meantime, and if you need anything whatsoever, I'll be a couple of steps away from you, okay?" He explained as you looked at him, nodding softly. He smiled, a lump on his throat and tears welling in his eyes as he leaned forward, kissing your forehead. "Lets go then"

#tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo rev imagine #tokyo rev x reader #tokrev #tokyo revengers #draken #draken x you #draken x reader #ken ryuuguji imagines #ken ryuuguji x you

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skellebonez · 4 years ago

Note

Because I'm sure this is going to be inevitable, how about some angst for the Chaos Trio (Mei, Jin and Yin)? With 61 and 52

Oh I have been looking forward to Chaos Trio angst since you sent me this, anon. Despite how they act in show... I think Jin and Yin are not exactly harmless. Especially if you mess with people they start to consider family.

The Cursed AU and the Chaos Trio in it come from @winterpower98!

Warning: blood and head injuries, enemy demons limbs (not detailed).

That is not a good hiding spot./I am a really bad actor.

Things had been going pretty well, all things considered. Jin and Yin had no problem getting Mei to join them in a little bit of... let's say "competitive insurance" as it were. They had to make sure they were secured in their own little tech related ventures, and after some financial setbacks they needed extra fallback. They’d planned the whole thing out with her help, more than 2 steps and everything! She was good at that.

The problem was that someone got a lucky hit.

They would have made it out with no problems, if they all hadn't decided going on Mei's motorcycle as a group (which, now that Yin thought about it, was probably incredibly dangerous and illegal with 3 of them on it... not that they cared about legality for themselves but somehow when it came to Mei that suddenly made them concerned). But nope. 1 bike. 3 people.

One lucky shot to the rear tire.

The three of them went flying, Mei landing very impressively on her feet whole Jin and Yin bounced on a bush and thanked anyone listening that demons were sturdier than humans. They didn't thank anyone for the pieces of bike that came flying at them all, and they were certain that they heard a piece make contact with something hard, maybe the nearby light pole, but couldn't be sure.

By the time they looked up they just knew they had a group of very angry demons that were pissed they stole and then wiped their code for... something, didn't matter to the twins what it was. They just wanted their competition out of the way. For solely selfish reasons. Nothing else. Not like they wanted it to see what it was and maybe figure out a counter attack so that certain overpowered people with monkey motifs would have an easier time in the future.

Not a chance.

As they fought off the attacking demons they insisted to themselves they didn't care that much.

"That is not a good hiding spot!" Jin yelled across the battlefield as Yin ducked behind crates. "Just chuck it for now and beat em with the blunt end of something else!"

"Just give me 2 seconds, I can fix it!" Yin yelled back, trying his best to reassemble a part of his sword hilt that had broken off.

"Come on, these guys ain't so tough!" Mei laughed out, easily dodging projectiles and backsliding and slicing and dicing as she went. No one was actually killed, but they were lucky because the only reason for that was the young woman wasn't exactly out for blood. They'd be feeling every single hit well into morning though! She was doing much better than the two of them. "Grab a pipe or something! Wish I had MK's magic building power though, I'd rather not be here all-YIN!"

The younger twin looked up from where he had been crouched, eyes widening as he saw the form of a much larger demon hulking over him and ready to batter him with a club.

Things had been going well. All things considered. Then someone got a second lucky hit.

Right as Mei dove in to push the younger silver twin out of the way.

For a second the fighting stopped. There was just the sound of wood hitting hard plastic and fiberglass as the club was sliced in half by her sword and the lopped off half continued it's trajectory and slammed into Mei's head to lead to her crumbling on top of Yin. Jin stood on too of a pile of crates, watching as a line of red seeped through a crack in her visor and stained the white of her suit.

And then his entire vision was red as he lunged at the demon and sliced, sending his arm flying in the opposite direction.

The demon screamed, holding the stump that was his arm from the elbow down, backing away as quickly as he could. "W-what the hell!?"

"Mei," Yin said softly, carefully clicking the emergency release button to make her helmet digitize away. Her eyes were closed, blood dripping from a slice running along her scalp... but as far as he could tell it was from part of the helmet being cracked and cutting her. She was most likely knocked out from the impact, breathing odd but steady in her unconscious state. "You... we're going to get you to the hospital."

His tone hardened as he carefully laid her on the ground, standing tall as he grabbed his broken weapon and a nearby piece of broken steel.

"You. Are going. To pay for that," Yin said coldly, stance no longer lose and half playful as it had been the whole battle. His stood tall, eyes wide and cold and the demons surrounding them felt a chill run down their spines.

Jin stood in front of him, blood from the other demon splattered across his face and chest in a stark contrast to his orange visage.

This... this wasn't the pair of Gold and Silver Demons they had heard about before. They were known for not taking almost anything seriously, making bad deals and pacts and weird blood oaths they wasted on bizarre favors. They were known for being good at tach but not much else, most demons in the area knew vaguely of their history with the Monkey King but even that ended in failure. Their plans were half baked, goofy, and lately they'd heard they'd gotten roped in with the Monkey King's successor and renewed flame of the Six-Eared Macaque.

The two standing before them did not look like the demons they'd heard about.

Mei hadn't wanted to seriously hurt anyone. The demons heard her yelling as much on the battlefield. But now Mei was hurt.

And the twins did.

It happened fast. They wanted to get it over with quickly. Mei had also not wanted to kill anyone at the very least the twins could do was keep up their promise from earlier in the day to avoid that. And they did.

That didn't mean there weren't lost limbs. Hands and arms. A leg or two. More than a couple eyes were lost. Someone lost an ear. Another a tail and horn.

Injuries they could recover from meant as warnings.

All it took was 3 minutes and the entire storage area they crashed in was a mix of grey and brown and red. Demons holding their injuries or running off.

The one who had attacked Yin and hurt Mei stood in awe and fear, looking down at the smaller twins who has decimated an entire group so fast.

"I-how!?" He yelled, backing up slowly. "This isn't possible, you're not this strong!"

"Who told you that?" Yin asked slowly, tilting his head and watching as the demon realized... he'd never heard they couldn't fight. "We don't fight like this because we don't want to. Never meant we can't."

"Why?"

"We are really bad actors," Jin said, wiping the blood off his weapon on an unconscious demon's shirt. "Why bother trying to hold back when we can just hide it by not trying?" He turned to the demon, glowering coldly as he watched his brother pick Mei up carefully. "Tell anyone who asks nothing. We'd like to keep it that way. Unless you want a round two where someone else doesn't hold us back."

And then they were gone.

"What in the actual hell happened?" Macaque asked in an even tone. Practiced even. A dangerous even.

"Well-" "You see boss-" "we kinda-" "-there was-"

Jin and Yin tried to think of a reasonable excuse, faltering as everything they thought of sounded worse and worse in their heads.

The two sat in Mei's hospital room, towels draped around their shoulders. They’d been smart enough to stash Mei's bike somewhere safe and wash off in the ocean before coming to the hospital, less covered in demon blood meant less scared humans when they rushed in with Mei in tow, and it was easy to make the nurses believe them.

Simple bike accident, friend hurt, help please.

With Macaque staring them down with his patented death glower, shadows growing and warping around the room in response to him, it was infinitely harder.

Of course Mei's emergency contact was MK. Of course MK could call Macaque before her parents (who were apparently on their way back from some kind of dragon family business trip when they learned). Of course Macaque would show up almost immediately and begin asking questions.

"It was my fault," Mei chimed in, voice slightly off from having awoken with a nasty concussion. "I thought it'd be fun to go on a joy ride late at night, I've done it before without issues! But, uh... I've never had two passengers before... and we hit something. Don't be mad at them?"

Macaque looked like he believed Mei as much as he believed Tang would lose interest in the Monkey King and switch his field of study to obscure methods of basket weaving. Which is to say: he didn’t. But he sighed, giving Mei a small smile as the shadows returned to normal.

"Ok," he said softly, tone much more gentle with the dragon descendant as he reached out to brush loose hair out of her face. "I won't be mad at them. I'll be very disappointed-" his tone hardened for a second at those words as he turned to the twins with a glower again. "-but I won't be mad. Do you need anything?"

"Maybe a candy bar from the vending machines outside?" Mei asked with a smile.

"Sure," Macaque laughed and shook his head, moving to the corner of the room. "I'll be right back."

He sunk into the shadows, a cool trick that the twins would always be impressed by, and they breathed a sigh of relief at knowing they were alone. For now.

"You didn't have to do that," Jin said, frowning at Mei in concern. Maybe it was just because he was now the eldest in the room, but some kind of protective feel pulled at him.

"I know," Mei said with a tired laugh, laying back into her pillow. "But you guys are like... my bros. I gotta stand up for my bros."

And that made both Jin and Yin pause. They looked at each other, eyes widening as they both came to a realization that was probably a very long time coming at that point.

"Yeah..." Yin said, a soft smile forming on his face. "We'd do the same for you... you know, if you didn't take that hit for me you probably would have kicked everyone's ass way better than us! We barely got out by the skin of our teeth!" A full truth and a blatant lie, but he hoped Mei wouldn't pick up on that second part.

"You know it, boi!" She didn't.

It was odd for him in particular. Yin had never really thought of himself as an older brother before.

First time for everything.

#monkie kid #lego monkie kid #gen fic #cursed au #warning: blood and injury #jin and yin #dragon form mei #long xiaojiao #the chaos trio #prompt fill #six eared macaque #but only a little #dad macaque

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kojinnie · 4 years ago

Text

Something About Pain | Reiner Braun

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader (she/her pronoun)

Summary: You ran away from home and your boyfriend Reiner Braun is desperate to bring you home. When the two of you meet, you share a conversation about how pain inflicts the two of you differently.

Tags & Warning: Angst, (eventual) fluff, (mild) hurt/comfort, slow burn, major miscommunication problem, past trauma, abandonment issue, mention of anxiety, Reiner is a grumpy, hurt individual yet delicate inside | SFW

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: Based on the request by @okubean for Twisted Match-Up! I hope you like it, boo! (More A/N at the end of the fic)

.::My Masterlist::.

Twisted Match-Up (x Reader): Zeke | Hange | Jean

There was a vivid look of worry on the face of Reiner Braun as he drove through the empty neighborhood streets. His right hand on the steering wheel, the other one tapping anxiously on the phone, dialing the same number over and over again to no avail.

All of his calls had gone straight to your mailbox, and his text messages were no longer delivered. Reiner came to realize that you've blocked him. "Idiot," he muttered to himself, cursing this whole modern affinity to accommodate people running from their problems easier. Reiner thought the feature was the stupidest thing ever created by humankind, he was pissed, but more annoyed. He realized how tired he was, and if he could, he'd rather be in bed right now. Not roaming your friend's neighborhood at ungodly hour.

"Where... the fuck... are you..." he was pissed, evident from the grunt as he tried one final desperate attempt to call you. It went straight to your mailbox. Your cheery voice didn't make him feel any better, if any, Reiner wished he could tell the mailbox-you to shut the hell up.

Reiner finally hit the brake, sighing annoyed. His black SUV stopped underneath the streetlamp, at a random neighborhood he could only vaguely remember. He had been here before, when he picked you up from your bestfriend's house after one of your "night out" with your friends from college, but he could barely remember which one of these identical suburban houses did she live.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel, racking his brain trying to remember the house number. Is this even the correct cul-de-sac? There are tens others. Who the fuck came up with the concept of suburban housing? Strips and strips of uniformed houses. And even worse, who the fuck thought that it was such a great idea to live in one? Like some Stepford Wives nightmare. Reiner couldn't believe some people would save up money for all their lives to pay off their mortgage to live in complete conformity, like a communist utopia with capitalist credit system. Were these people right in the head or had their brains fucked over by the boring 9 to 5 jobs they've had for decades?

That's beside the point. Reiner sighed. He ranted a lot when frustrated.

He knew you'd be there, in one of these houses, curled up crying in your bestfriend's bed, perhaps pouring your heart out on how much of a bad boyfriend Reiner was. He knew because you've passed the micro-aggression millionth times, muttering under your breath, saying that you'd be fine if Reiner kicks you out because your bestfriend would take you. What kind of fuckery was all that? Why would he ever kick you out? Reiner thought. He was clueless. Why were you so adamant that he would leave you eventually? Reiner could feel his annoyance grew while reminiscing your antics. He began to think, maybe he had never understood you to begin with.

But Reiner was wrong, because he was right about a lot of things about you. You were exactly in your bestfriend's house, curled up in her bed, ranting how hard it was being with Reiner. Although the tears had dried since hours ago. You were in your PJs and drinking the hot coco your friend had made you, comfortable in the bliss of obliviousness upon the fact that your boyfriend of one year was now driving aimlessly trying to locate your position. You were adamant that he was going to leave you anyway, you thought he wouldn't exert an ounce of energy trying to plea you home.

It was 4 AM in the morning and you hadn't come home. The trace of you had gone completely from Reiner's apartment since early morning. Reiner knew that this was bound to happen, had he done anything differently - would you stay? He thought of you and the state that the two of you had been tangled in. All the unresolved tension, or the persistent insinuations coming from you that you always shrugged off in the end, saying "Nothing." as if it did not matter, each time Reiner shot them with, "What did you say?"

You sipped your hot coco and let a troubled whimper as you told your bestfriend what was happening. It's the culmination of small things, your feeling of inadequacy and the anxiety of waking up every morning, being convinced that each day would be the day that Reiner finally leaves you. Every day you’d be mentally preparing yourself for the ultimate fate until Reiner returns home with his big, warm hug until your anxiety caves in. And that the anxiety would appear again in the next morning.

The idea of him leaving became incessant and you could never bug it off. You wondered why, maybe because you believed that you were inherently flawed. Maybe it's the way Reiner made that small "Tsk," when he came home to see the garbage piled up, "Babe, didn't I tell you to put out the garbage?"; or the deep, annoyed and condescending sighs he made when he missed his favorite show because you forgot to pay the cable bills while he was out at the office.

Maybe it's the way you couldn't match his sharp memory and reliability with you constantly forgetting things and your seeming inattentiveness despite the abundant reminders, notes and alarms you've made to keep yourself alerted. At times, your mind just wandered, and you needed him to rope you back in, but he never got the gist.

So, you were adamant that you had grown to be nothing but inconvenience for him, hence when he spent the night over at his office due to what he called "Shit load of work" over the phone, you were certain he wouldn't come back at all. You knew that the pain of being abandoned would haunt you to myriad of miseries, so you'd rather leave first. You knew it would be the end you both needed, because you knew Reiner did not care about you enough to tolerate your shit any longer. He was always quiet, there was hardly ever any expression on his face, God knows what he was thinking underneath. Each of your "Reiner, I'm sorry." would only be met by a singular hum or a quick, "It's okay." that left you wondering, did he ever mean it at all?

So that morning you left. While he was still at the office, because you knew there was no feelings strong enough for Reiner to keep him from leaving you eventually. You left first.

Your bestfriend nodded in reassurance, "You gotta do what you gotta do." she said pulling you into a warmly hug, but your attention was suddenly caught by the pile of plastics and packages from your take-outs at the corner of your friend's room. It just bothered your mind, and you got up to take it out. A small token of atonement to what you wish you had done to Reiner.

Your bestfriend immediately scrambled and took the garbage away from you. Insisting for you to stay in bed and let her take care of it. You nodded and retreated to the pillow fortress. You felt bad for her because the temperature was dropping, and there was no necessity to take the garbage out right now, but your impulse was often hard to subside, and your friend had grown to acknowledge and take sympathy over that. Unlike Reiner, you thought.

Maybe it's because Reiner never shown anyone openly about what he felt, but what you did not know, sometimes he wish he had. Sometimes he wished he'd opened up about how hard it is for him to breathe when unfortunate things occur that he did not have the answer to. Sometime he wished he could share his fear, worry, anger and disappointment, but he was always thought that a man got to suck it up, and perseverance was the only way he knew how to survive.

Sometimes he wished he had told somebody that the constant worrying about his loved ones consumed him too, to the point it became hard for him to let his guard down even when things are okay. He was always on alert, and sometimes it got exhausting too for him. He wished he had told all that, so in times like these he did not have to assume the heartbreak alone while trying to find the solution to it. Sometimes he wished people knew that he cared too, he loved too, he knew too when someone he loved was struggling, but he never learned how to show it. Reiner knew your mind often raced hundreds of miles per hour, Reiner knew your state of agitation, but he never had anyone to teach him how affection should look like, other than be of service, which he tried his best at being. It was no wonder that Reiner was left clueless when you chose to leave without warning.

He was pissed because he knew how daft he was, yet none of it was ever intentional. He cursed himself for not knowing what went wrong, for not being more observant, for not being open with his feelings, for not telling you how much he had grown to love you and how much his apartment immediately grew cold at your absence. But mostly, at this moment, he cursed himself because he wasn't attentive enough to know you friend's house number.

The air was crisp when your bestfriend stepped out of her porch. She made quick steps to the garbage can when she saw bright headlights coming in from the end of the street. She grunted, wondering what was her neighbor doing, cruising around with dramatically low speed. It seemed odd.

She put her fingers above her eyes, trying to recognize the plate number or the driver, but the black SUV lights were dispersing her sight.

She closed the garbage can and tried to immediately return inside but the car cruised closer and pulled over in front of her. The window rolled open.

"Hey," There was an immediate look of surprise from the person that Reiner barely recognized. But he was sure enough that it was her, judging from her body language; all tensed and alerted, "This is Reiner."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence between Reiner and your bestfriend. She was considering carefully on what to say next.

"Uhm yeah, I know." Your bestfriend finally spoke, her voice creaked, caught by surprise. "What do you want?"

Reiner spoke your name, "I want to meet my girlfriend." Reiner could hear the desperation in his own voice, but your friend jeered in response.

"My girlfriend." she passingly mocked the way Reiner spoke, she came to dislike what she thought was possessiveness in Reiner's nature of speaking, "She's not available. I suggest you to scram. Before my neighbors complain."

Reiner furrowed his brows in dismay, couldn't seem to understand the hostility presented by your friend, "I need to talk to her."

She stood unyielding. Reiner opened the door and climbed off of the car, sighing as he walked closer, propelling your friend to keep her distance away even further. "Please, let me talk to her."

"Not a chance." She turned around and scurried back into the house. Reiner was quick to yell, to her expected dismissal. Without thinking further, Reiner got back to behind the wheel and moved his car forward on to the curb, proceeding to close off the exit way for her small city car in the driveway.

Reiner jumped off the car as your besfriend realized what he had done, "I'm not moving the car until she comes down."

She let out a restraint shrieked, "What the fuck?! I got a dentist appointment tomorrow morning!"

"Then please, tell her to come down and talk to me," Reiner said, sounding almost apologetic. He threw a glance at a lonely swing set in the small park across the street, "there."

The occurrence happening before your eyes was unexpected to say the least. You closed the small slit from your bestfriend's window fold, trying to manage your heartbeat that had become almost deafening. At the same time your bestfriend appeared from the door, face red with flustered, "I think he really wants to see you."

Thousands of thoughts made a commotion in your head. It did not make any sense. You made it easier for Reiner by walking away with clean slate, you were sure this was what he had hoped secretly.

Your friend shuffled inside and shot you a deep stare, she sighed heavily and told you that whether you liked it or not, you had to face him. Reiner looked genuinely worried, she said, twisting your guts even further.

You sat in her bed for a moment, trying to relive every waking moment with Reiner. Sure there were moments when your own thoughts chased you into a deep corner and you wished Reiner had seen it. Sometimes you wished he’d hold you tight, kiss you with reassurance and told you how meaningful you were to him. Sure, sometimes being with Reiner could feel lonely, but he had never treated you back nor was he ever intentionally mean to you. What do I want? The question hung heavy in your mind.

I want him to say that he wants me, the voice within the nook of your brain said, I want him to say that he loves me.

You nodded, finally ceasing from running away further.

Reiner never thought that at his 20-something he would sit miserably on a random swing-set at a random neighborhood just an hour before the dusk cracked. Reiner was a big man, but even with his figure and the aid of his tailored suit and shirt, wrinkled after gruesome hours at work trying to keep his company afloat on the thin ice of his personal relationship with you – Reiner was tired, and miserable, and desperate. Even more, he was cold as the temperature continued to drop down.

He hung his head low, trying to fight the shivers. It was quiet, too quiet, only the faint sound of the wind and the creaking sound of the swing-set holding off to its dear life under Reiner’s massive weight. The man sighed, never he thought that the sight of you coming out of someone’s house in the dead of a night would be a spectacle he looked forward to the most.

He closed his eyes, shutting himself off from any sound and thought. Thinking that maybe in the bleakness of his sense, the time would pass faster and your heart would soften.

In the nothingness Reiner could feel a sudden warmth crept from the tips of his fingers, he opened his eyes to see you standing before his eyes, towering him who was sitting like a pathetic boy on the swing. You were wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, hiding your PJs underneath. In your hands were two cups of scalding tea, you shoved one into his hand, “You came.” You stated.

Reiner let out a deep sigh of relief as he saw you safe and sound. He felt warmth travelled across his body, he did not know whether it was the tea in his hand or simply the sight of you that made him felt so. His eyes latched on to you as you sat on the swing next to him, “Hey. What are you doing?” Reiner asked.

“Running away.”

“Why?”

Reiner looked at you intently, and the guilt started to consume you. You gazed afar, softly shook your head, “Dunno.”

“I see.”

Yet another silence ensued.

“How’s work?”

Reiner sighed again; the heavy breath seemed to be the only way the two of you communicated. Just two troubled minds pouring their burden at each other, “Bertholdt abruptly resigned—fuck, it’s been a nightmare, but—” Reiner pressured his thumb over his brows, trying to ease his sharp migraine that suddenly came, “—that doesn’t matter now. Will you come home?”

He looked at you again, you were still gazing to god-knows-what, everything other than his eyes. Reiner grew antsy on his seat, the swing creaked again. Please look at me. Please look at me. The words resonated incessantly in Reiner’s head but nothing came out of his mouth. Just a stoic, to-the-point question.

Don’t you wanna know the problem, Reiner? Is that all? I said I don’t know and you didn’t even try to dig in deeper? You came all the way here and you just straight up asking me to go home with you? Your mind was nowhere better. It’s in uproar but there was only silence coming out of your mouth. But he came, he didn’t leave. Contradiction danced inside your mind like an unwanted guest.

The silence grew heavier. You saw the lights from your bestfriend’s bedroom lit off, she had got to be tired eventually. Suddenly, you felt so alone. Just the two of you in this odd morning.

“It’s hard, right?” Reiner broke the silence, he looked at you again, this time he was desperate for you to look into his eyes. Little did he know, you were refusing to do so because you could feel your fragility forming in your eyes. You swore not to cry.

“What?” Just a depthless answer you uttered.

“Growing up.” Reiner muttered. The man sounded almost contemplative in his defeat. He sighed again and shook his head, “I thought I’d be someone better by this time in my life.”

The answer surprised you. You thought he would say something like ‘Relationship is hard’ or some jargons he picked up from one of the movies he watched without you. You felt bad for undermining him just because you were upset with him. Does it really mirror your true perception of him? Maybe you really hadn’t known him that well.

You had no resolve to his statement, so you just nodded, allowing him to pour out his thoughts.

“I thought I’d be better with my job, with myself, and most importantly,” he shifted to lurch towards you on his seat, the wire strings of the swing twisted to your direction, “with the people I love. But obviously, I still… suck.”

“And here I am. 4 AM. A fucking adult on a fucking neighborhood swing-set.”

You could feel the air suctioned out of your lungs, as you felt guilt loomed bigger inside you. He came and he felt bad – what more could I ask for? But then you remembered the nights of loneliness despite having Reiner sleeping next to you. You had a bad day, but you were too prideful to come clean. You wanted him to be intuitive, but he never did. Being with Reiner, you had mastered the art of crying in silence while sharing the bed with him. It’s exhausting. Yeah, Rei, maybe you’re bad at this.

Despite that, you stayed silent.

“Will you hate me if I say I don’t know what’s wrong?” Reiner knew how daft he sounded, “God. I’m pushing my luck coming clean at you.”

You were at loss for words. You had so many things to say, but too few of a courage.

Reiner called your name. He reached over and tried to tangle one of your fingers with his. From your periphery sight, you could see him forcing a smile, “I—”

He sighed again. Reiner’s chest was filled with words and all he wanted was to vomit it out, but he never knew how to properly addressed the feelings he had—he couldn’t even describe what he felt. All he knew was one thing: he wanted you home, back in his arms, “I am a stupid man. I really don’t know what’s happening between us. You.. just.. gone. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not smart enough for all these..”

There was almost a childish plea in Reiner’s words, and you couldn’t help but to threw a faint smile. You chuckled, “What did you say? You’re—what?”

He scoffed at himself, “I am stupid.”

You finally caved in because you realized there was an undeniable genuineness in the way he spoke. And the sentiment was mutual, you felt stupid as well for you had not realized how completely, utterly, truly clueless Reiner was.

Eventually, you looked at him. His hardened face quickly turned wary to finally see how puffy your eyes were from crying earlier, you forced a smile, but it was clear you were pretending, “You make me feel so lonely sometimes.”

The words came out of your mouth like a canonball that had been stuck in your chest for too long. You felt relief, but on the other side, Reiner could feel his heart broke. A pain from a man realizing too late of the damage he had caused.

You thought of everything that had made you feel so. The way Reiner rolled over in bed away from you, drowsy and unaware, when you called him in the dead night as your anxiety kicked in; when his hand let you go as you tried to hold his hands in public; the complete non-existing mention of you in his social media; the take-outs that he mindlessly brought home when you had cooked dinner; his easiness in dropping a problem after he said sorry without checking up with you further.

It was the absent of his intuition that made you felt invisible – but you realized too late that maybe he was truly oblivious, evident as he said, “But how?”

“You really don’t know?”

“Babe,” he further tangled your fingers into his grasp. Your hand and his, they hung in the middle of the two swing seats, “I swear on my mother’s grave.”

“I’ve always thought you wanted to leave me but never got the right moment to it. The affection—I hardly ever got it from you. Not the affirming words, not the reassurance. Hell, maybe I want that public kiss and hugs that you thought was stupid, Rei. Just—”

You could feel the tears forming, choking you mercilessly, “—just to feel loved. To feel wanted. For once.”

You finally let your tears dropped. And Reiner was slapped with realities that both of you were in. He let go of your hand and stared down at the pavement, “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“You never asked.”

“But I never knew. How am I supposed to know that I should ask when I didn’t know I should ask on the first place? I’ve always thought you wanted to be left alone when all your crazy thoughts come in—but you—”

“—you—"

Reiner groaned, obviously frustrated. He rested the blabber, “Maybe we’re just not good at this.”

Like a train, you could feel the ending coming to hit you. This is it. This is it. You thought to yourself, picturing how Reiner would finally leave you. You secretly wished Reiner wouldn’t give in, you wish he’d put up more fight, so at least you’d know that you carried a weight in his heart. But you knew this was bound to happen, so why were you so upset?

“Maybe.” You wiped your tears dry, “That’s okay, Reiner. I know that’s what I am.”

“What?”

“I’m just an embarkation point, right? Everyone will leave me eventually. That’s why I left, because I know eventually, we’ll be talking about this. So I’d better leave first.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Reiner grew even more frustrated with the way you danced around your words.

“It’s okay if you want to leave me. That’s what all people do to me.”

“You left because you think I was planning to leave you all along?” Reiner asked, sounding painfully offended as he finally got to gather what you were insinuating, “So that is the problem?”

“Yeah, so I better leave first, right? Before I get hurt again? Before you leave me like other people and—”

“Fuck other people!” Reiner raised his voice, which he immediately regretted. He ran his fingers over his hair irritated, turning it into a complete blond mess, “Are you trying to avenge your revenge for other people—those exes you’ve had—on me?”

Tears welled up again in your eyes, as you looked away from him. But he called on your name again, this time there was a deep sternness in his call that you couldn’t help but to face him. Reiner was glad that you finally gained courage to speak the truth, when he had not, “So you want reassurance, yeah? How about the times I told you how beautiful, how smart, how great you are – only for you to tell yourself the opposite immediately.”

Reiner looked directly into your eyes, “I can’t make you something you’re not. What you are is who you think you are.”

“You can never matter – if you don’t think you do.”

An expressionless, soundless tear fell onto your cheek. A heart broke to your dismay. Reiner finally said the truth and there was no way you could delude yourself into thinking that he was wrong, “Then… why don’t you just leave me, Rei? Why don’t you get rid of me a long time ago?”

“Because I’m giving you something that I never received in my entire life, ever. I’m staying for you.” There was a palpable pain in the way Reiner spoke. He landed his finger on to your heart and you could feel it pierced through your skin with heavy realization, “I’m staying. Like no one ever did in my life. Not my ex-girlfriends, not my friends, and certainly not my father. That’s what makes us different. I have more faith in you than you have in me.”

Reiner was a man with heavy heart. He had been through a lot of things in his life, learned how to fend on for himself since very young, and dreamed of the day when he could finally put his hair down with someone he cared for. And what you hadn’t realize, was how essentially similar you were to him. How both of you longed for someone to let go of your inhibitions and fear? Just two broken people finding refuge in each other’s longing for the same thing. And that’s what you failed to see. He understood you, just in a way you didn’t understand.

And that’s the thing about pain, they are inherently personal. No matter how much you have shared yourself to others.

The two of you went dead silent for a moment. In the horizon, the sun rays were starting to emerge, the morning had arrived. Your tears cascaded painfully slow; Reiner was looking at his feet trying to sip his tea that had gone cold. His hands were trembling with both sadness and anger that were beginning to secede.

Reiner finally called your name, this time it was delicate, “I’m sorry, alright?”

You looked at him with tears in your eyes as you nodded, “Alright.”

“Will you come home, now?”

“Yes,” you muttered, “I think I will.”

The two of you got up and Reiner immediately drew you into his chest, holding you the tightest you had ever been held, reconnecting all the broken pieces scattered inside you. You buried your face into his strong chest as you sobbed once more, while he kissed the top of your head with affection more vivid than thousands of words of affirmations.

“What do we do with these hearts, Rei?” You asked as you felt your chest throbbing with pain and love.

The man loosened his embrace and smiled, “Persevere.”

A/N:

First of all thank you so much to @okubean for giving me a hellish prompt! This one really made me faced my own abandonment issue and poured it into a writing. I tried to touch about the absent-mindedness as the implication of ADHD but I’m really worried that it doesn’t really do it justice. So hereby my sincere apologies! 😭🙏

Nonetheless, I really hope that you may enjoy this piece and I’m so sorry if it comes off as boring!

I literally drafted this on the metro, and got really carried away with it!

Did I enjoy it? (Yes)

Did this turn out longer than I expected? (Yes)

Am I worried this will bore people? (Yes)

#reiner braun x reader #reiner x reader #reiner fluff #reiner angst #aot reiner #snk reiner #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan fanfiction #aot #snk #aot fanfiction

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traumacatholic · 3 years ago

Note

Hi friend, could you please pray for me? I really need to get into a better spiritual life, but I’m physically terrified of confession, and going to Mass often triggers my anxiety attacks and pain/nausea, even if I want to be there emotionally (on a conscious level anyway). I love God, but lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble with doubts, and feeling like my freedom is taken away (that’s usually the basis for most of my psychological issues). Could you pray that I finally work up the courage to meet with a priest? There is a good one I really like, but I always chicken out of actually doing anything at the prospect of the anxiety and physical distress it will bring. I’m tired of all this, and going without confession makes me more and more worried that I’m in mortal sin (or at least that I’m in a bad place with all my sins piling up), but this unfortunately tends to be a cycle for me because of my fear…

Hello, I'm very sorry that you're going through all of this. And I really appreciate you opening up and sharing this with me. I'm going to break down some of the points you've raised into little sections in my reply - I hope that's okay, but please also know that I am most certainly keeping you in my prayers.

Attending Confession

I think there can be this idea that the Saints (and even just other people) have a much less complicated relationship to Confession. But even some of the Saints struggled with Scrupulosity or had fear about approaching the Confessional. And to that, we can turn to their experiences and prayers for comfort and guidance.

There's a few prayers that you might find useful for attending Confession:

O most merciful God, enlighten me, for you know all my ways and observe all my footsteps. Come, true light, and dispel the darkness of my heart, that I may see what in me is displeasing to you, and that with a contrite heart I may be sorry for my sins, rightly confess them, and amend my life. Send forth your light into my soul, and show to me all those sins which I ought to confess at this time. Assist me by your grace, and grant me courage and strength, that I may be able to declare them to the priest, fully, humbly, and with a contrite heart, and so obtain perfect remission of my sins through your infinite goodness. Amen.

“O Christ, You and the priest are one; I will approach confession as if I were approaching, not a man, but You.” and this article might also be helpful: https://aleteia.org/2019/10/05/anxious-about-confession-pray-this-short-prayer-of-st-faustina-to-find-courage/

Here's also an article that you might find helpful https://catholicstand.com/get-fear-confession/

There are also lots of books that explore the Sacrament of Confession. You might find these helpful, or you might not. Sometimes it is just about experimenting and seeing what resources are helpful for you.

Saint Gemma Galgani was someone that really struggled a lot with the Confessional - albeit in a different regard as she was struggling with Scrupulosity. Sometimes our fears of attending things like Confession can also be rooted in a fear/concern/doubt of God's Mercy. Identifying the factors that feed into our struggles with a particular Sacrament or Commandment or anything else in life can allow us to work on things in a more productive matter. Getting over a fear of Confession is quite an abstract thing, whereas developing confidence in God's Mercy to forgive our sins is something more concrete.

My crucified God, behold me at Your feet. Do not reject me, a poor sinner, as I appear before You. I have offended You much in the past, my Jesus, but in the future I resolve to sin no more. My God, I put all my sins before You. I have considered them and realize they do not deserve Your pardon. But I beg of you to cast one glance upon Your sufferings and see how great is the worth of that Precious Blood that flows from your veins. My God, at this hour close Your eyes to my want of merit and open them to Your infinite merits. Since You, dear Jesus, have been pleased to die for my sins, grant me forgiveness for them all, that I may no longer feel their heavy burden, which presses me to the earth. My Jesus, help me, for I desire to become good, no matter what it may cost. Take away, destroy, root out completely all that You find in me that may be contrary to Your holy Will. At the same time I beg You, O Jesus, to enlighten me, that I may be able to walk in Your holy light.

---

Struggles with attending Mass

Some of this is going to be linked into courage with speaking to a Priest, but you could always speak with him and see what things he might suggest to make attending Mass more manageable. And it also depends on the flexibility of your Church.

In my old Church, there was a room off to the side that was more meant for those with young children or those with disabilities to more easily see the Mass and without feeling like they were disturbing the other guests. If this is possible, you might want to consider something like going there for a little bit, or during an anxiety or pain flare up. It might just give you the extra space and lack of people close by you that can help. You can always even just sit close to the door to get there, so even if you don't go, you at least feel comfortable in knowing that it's an easy option if you need it.

Sometimes the things that we use to manage our pain or our nausea get completely forgotten about when we go to Mass. Maybe we feel like it's not appropriate to bring - but it definitely is. If something like bringing a cushion or a shawl to sit on for example makes things slightly easier for you, then don't be afraid to bring it. Likewise you can bring a hot water bottle or something similar if you think that some heat would alleviate some of your pain.

If you do have a really bad pain flare up, or can feel like one is coming on - then don't beat yourself up about not being able to attend Mass. It'll make you feel worse in the moment, and it'll put more stress on the next time you engage. Remaining at home and watching a Mass livestream (or recording if you're feeling too unwell at the time) isn't a lesser commitment to God.

There are prayers such as ones to send our Guardian Angel to Mass, that you might take some comfort in:

O HOLY ANGEL at my side, Go to Church for me, Kneel in my place, at Holy Mass, Where I desire to be. At Offertory, in my stead, Take all I am and own, And place it as a sacrifice Upon the Altar Throne. At Holy Consecration’s bell, Adore with Seraph’s love, My Jesus hidden in the Host, Come down from Heaven above. Then pray for those I dearly love, And those who cause me grief, That Jesus’ Blood may cleanse all hearts, And suff’ring souls relieve. And when the priest Communion takes, Oh, bring my Lord to me, That His sweet Heart may rest on mine, And I His temple be. Pray that this Sacrifice Divine, May mankind’s sins efface; Then bring me Jesus’ blessing home, The pledge of every grace. Amen

Likewise there's a pretty good collection of different prayers and ideas here, I would say that certainly don't feel like you have to say every prayer and do everything but it's something to consider implementing: http://theleaven.org/pray-in-place-when-you-cant-go-to-mass/

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Trusting God's Will for us

This isn't easy, and I think that's worth bearing in mind. It isn't easy for anyone, in one way or another. That certainly sometimes it might feel like other people can conform to His will so much better than us, and that we'll never get there. But that doesn't mean that it's true. The Saints are our friends, and we should try and not be dismayed at how different our lives and relationship with God are to theirs. We can ask them for prayers and support.

The Litany of Trust seems like it'd be particularly good in this scenario, and I would suggest trying to implement it into a regular prayer routine.

From the belief that I have to earn Your love … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear that I am unlovable … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the false security that I have what it takes … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear that trusting You will leave me more destitute … Deliver me, Jesus.

From all suspicion of Your words and promises … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the rebellion against childlike dependency on You … Deliver me, Jesus.

From refusals and reluctances in accepting Your will … Deliver me, Jesus.

From anxiety about the future … Deliver me, Jesus.

From resentment or excessive preoccupation with the past … Deliver me, Jesus.

From restless self-seeking in the present moment … Deliver me, Jesus.

From disbelief in Your love and presence … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being asked to give more than I have … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the belief that my life has no meaning or worth … Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of what love demands … Deliver me, Jesus.

From discouragement … Deliver me, Jesus.

That You are continually holding me, sustaining me, loving me … Jesus, I trust in you.

That Your love goes deeper than my sins and failings, and transforms me …Jesus, I trust in you.

That not knowing what tomorrow brings is an invitation to lean on You … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You are with me in my suffering … Jesus, I trust in you.

That my suffering, united to Your own, will bear fruit in this life and the next …Jesus, I trust in you.

That You will not leave me orphan, that You are present in Your Church…Jesus, I trust in you.

That Your plan is better than anything else … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You always hear me, and in Your goodness always respond to me …Jesus, I trust in you.

That You give me the grace to accept forgiveness and to forgive others …Jesus, I trust in you.

That You give me all the strength I need for what is asked …Jesus, I trust in you.

That my life is a gift … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You will teach me to trust You … Jesus, I trust in you.

That You are my Lord and my God … Jesus, I trust in you.

That I am Your beloved one … Jesus, I trust in you.

Amen.

I think it's also worth mentioning that in a lot of scenarios, we have reduced freedom into something about the freedom to do something, rather than also considering freedom from something. And when we think about the Commandments, they can feel like rules and regulations that are entrenching on our freedom to do something. And in some regard they are, but we also must consider that they are giving us freedom from sin.

A young child might be upset that they are scolded for attempting to touch broken glass or put their hand on the hot cooker. Their freedom to do that action is being taken away from them. But we also have to consider that by doing so, we are giving them freedom from the pain they would have received through doing those acts. Obviously, our actual lives are more complicated than that but I think it can be a good starting point for reflection. There's nuance in conformity to God's Will and what that actually means for us.

You might also find this helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq1hLU6DUSs

Something I personally like to do, is to come up with my own Chaplets or 'Rosaries' where I bring together different prayers based around a particular theme (such as praying for one's enemies, praying for reparations for blasphemy etc). Find some prayers that you like, and write down how to pray them as your own personal Chaplet that you can turn to when you're struggling with these feelings of doubt and concern in God's plan for you. It certainly doesn't need to be perfect, but it can be a good way to really meditate on God's promises. You can likewise find some Scripture to meditate on while you're praying.

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Speaking with a Priest

It could be worthwhile just sending them an email, even if you just write it up like a draft where you highlight your concerns and your request for guidance. It'll give you the space and time to really say some of the more stressful aspects of approaching him - such as asking for help, and it'll let you go at your own pace. You can even pray for God's strength and guidance before and after writing it up. It could then be that he agrees to meet you in a really informal setting that might make you feel a lot more comfortable.

---

I know I've written a lot, but remember that you don't have to do everything at once. You don't need to spring into all of these things. It's perfectly fine to experiment and slowly build up your confidence in these particular areas. You might even find that working on one really helps you in another place anyway, things can be so interconnected that it can be hard to pick them apart and this can also be to our benefit because sometimes by addressing one issue we can address other issues in our faith and life.

God bless you

#prayer request

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darkacademicfrom2021 · 4 years ago

Text

The Dark Team (part 11)

<<Previous part Masterlist Next part>>

Warnings: Cookies and idiots. You might get diabetes.

N/A: I'm on a family trip right now so I'm being a little unactive but I'll do my best to be still updating on here. Thank you so much to everyone who reads and comments, you truly make me want to write twice as much.

The Dark Team: (Taglist: @lucywrites02, @louieboo87, @the-departed-potato, @jesuswasnotawhiteman, @idontknow296, @beksib, @spythoschei, @geekwritersworld, @whatafuckingdumbass, @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 @toe-vind-ek-jou @joscelyn02, @t00-pi )

“Are you sure that’s how you should be sending those?”. His nosy ass telling you how to do your job in your midgardian electronics was just amazing, truly. “It would be faster for them if you send it with that link instead of…”.

“Listen, Mischief”, you interrupted his unnecessary corrections “I don’t tell you how to levitate, what about you don’t tell me how to do this?”.

“I don’t levitate”.

“Not the point. This is my deal. Besides, since when and how do you know how to handle midgardian tech?”.

“I… I’m bored”.

“Do I look like an entertainment to you right now?”.

“What do you mean right now? Are you planning on entertaining me later?”.

“I will choke you if you keep doing that”.

“Do you promise?”.

"Yes, my dear".

"Can't wait, then", he smirked. You rolled your eyes, about to answer something snappy, but the work was more important at the moment.

Your phone beeped, pulling you out of the very one sided discussion. You went back to your work in silence, getting your full focus and concentration on it. If it weren’t for Loki, you would’ve already done a thousand more other things. But, as a bug on the lenses, he was stuck to your side. It seemed like you were babysitting him.

Peter was staring at the roof from the couch. A pile of homework laid by his side, untouched, and his unlocked phone seemed to be waiting for him to make a call he didn’t want to. Loki observed him, unsure if it was a good idea to ask. You looked at his uncertainty from over your shoulder, and watched him finally give up on the idea of socially interacting with the kid, sitting down by your side on the big, big (and, exaggeratingly pointing out, big; yet he sat in the nearest chair from you) table.

The compound certainly was a boring place when uninhabited, and the sun was already teasing with coming down, making the common room’s lights turn brighter and warmer. Maybe it was automatic, maybe it was Friday. You couldn’t care less, for you were too distracted by Loki’s gaze on your work.

“Loki, for fuck’s sake, would you stop staring, my dearest?”, you asked, imitating his tone of voice, hoping it’d make it less aggressive and a bit more fun. He rolled his eyes and smirked, understanding your intentions. You sounded as tired of him as you were.

“I’m...”.

“Bored, I know. What about you go entertain Pete? He looks equally, if not more, bored as you. And you’re interfering with my work, which I do not appreciate very much”.

“How am I supposed to entertain him? I’m not a clown”, he argued, slightly offended but just wanting to make time and conversation. You sighed.

“Then why do you act like one?”.

“What is that supposed to mean? Is that a midgardian insult I’m not aware of, pancake?”.

“Stop calling me that, it’s not derogative”.

“It wasn’t intended to be deroga…”.

“I’d kill for some pancakes”, interrupted Peter, trying to pull you two out of your quarrels. “Or something sweet”.

“Oh, the kid got peckish. This is perfect; you can go get him something sweet and leave my workspace alone”, you said, patting his back with an exhausted grin.

He rolled his eyes, but walked down to the kitchen looking for whatever could satiate Peter. There wasn’t anything. One would think that a billionaire would have the fridge full of chocolates, wouldn’t you?, he thought, exhausted by the idea of having to actually leave the compound to get him something. Last time he tried to buy something in Midgard, he accidentally paid three salaries to the workers in the name of Stark. He was so embarrassed, he said it was on purpose and called it an act of mischief. But it was, in fact, pure and raw unawareness of midgardian’s use of money.

“What about we bake something, Mr. Loki?”, proposed Peter, with a flaming interest in seeing what those magic hands could do with food. You chuckled, pretty sure they could do nothing; he had been a prince for over a thousand years, when could he have learnt to bake by himself?

Loki lowered his gaze, confronted with both thoughts of his companions, and their respective expectations. Truth was, you were right. But he couldn't disappoint the kid like that, he had to at least try. Peter's eyes shone brighter than ever, and you wondered if Loki was actually enjoying his company. They looked fine. And, finally, you had some space to work without distractions.

“In normal circumstances I’d reject you, spider boy, but since y/n seems to be about to hang me by the neck on the tip of the tower, might as well do this”, he said, stealing a glance at you and smirking.

“It’s an honor you decide to spend your last moments baking with me, Mr. Loki”.

“Sure, let’s go, child”.

“I’m not a child”.

“Alright”.

And just like that, they left the working area and moved to the kitchen. Both rooms were connected by a huge glassless window and a counter, so you were able to peep in and make sure they didn’t actually burn down the compound (which was the only rule Tony had) and work peacefully at the same time.

After what seemed like an eternity, they still couldn’t accept they were failing miserably, and kept stirring the mix in a bowl. Flour formed clouds around them as Peter sneezed it away, and Loki’s hair had some cream on his (now not so) impeccable hair. Peter laughed at Loki’s commentary and poor baking skills, and Loki playfully mocked how his stickiness wasn’t helpful at all.

“Have you ever baked before, Mr. Loki?”.

“I haven’t but I’ve seen people bake, I figured I could imitate them”.

“Your mum, right? I used to bake with my aunt May a lot, but just now I realize maybe she was doing everything and I was eating the dough by her side”.

“That sounds more like it”, he chuckled. The mixing bowl trembled in his hand as he got distracted by the flying eggs coming at him, and it slipped out of him, smashing near half the mix onto the floor. “Oh, fuck”.

“It’s fine, we can use the one that’s left!”.

“Your positiveness astonishes me, spider boy”.

“Spider man”.

“Right, apologies”.

“We have already put in the flour, the sugar, the eggs, the milk… What else is in the recipe?”.

“I’m trying to remember, let me see”, he closed his eyes and muttered to himself “they used cinnamon, I think. And maybe butter? Yes, and chocolate chips”.

“Who?”.

“Ah, this recipe isn’t my mum’s. She didn’t bake either, you know, Queens don’t get their hands dirty” he laughed. “It was my companion’s”, he spat and suddenly realized what he had said. He lowered his head and sighed.

“Your companion?”, asked Peter. “As in partner? A spouse?”.

“Not spouse, just… you know, I’m just realizing I shouldn’t be talking to you about it”, he brushed it off, absolutely regretting it. Because Peter, unlike any other person, lacked filters.

So he would ask and ask and not realize where to stop. And at that point you could say Peter had become some sort of a weakness in Loki’s roughness. Peter was the softest, purest and better intentioned person he had ever met (or at least that’s how he saw him; of course, Loki had never seen him in action, fighting crime), and Loki was incapable of actually denying things to him. It didn’t matter how much Peter insisted on not being seen as a child, Loki was a thousand years older.

“No, please do. Now you’ve caught my attention”, he insisted, trying to clean some of the dough from the floor. Loki sighed, watching how the kid begged him to tell him more from his feet. “Please, Mr. Loki, I swear I won’t tell”.

“Well, my lover was the one who used to cook for us”, he explained as if he was telling someone else’s story. He clearly was trying to disengage his own emotions in order to tell them out loud. “And they’d usually bake some kick-ass cinnamon cookies”.

Peter had to grab the counter to steady himself from laughter, and you couldn’t help to snort at the conversation you were indiscreetly eavesdropping. Loki smiled.

“Then we have to replicate them, if they’re so kick-ass to make you say a midgardian expression”.

“We must, but I can’t remember quite well the next steps. It’s all sort of a blur now”.

“Can’t we ask them?”.

“No”, he said quickly. The air tensed, and untensed as fast as he realized. He especified again, trying to sound less affected by it “we can’t”.

“Oh”, Peter sounded so disappointed, Loki’s heart broke a little. “Are they dead?”.

“Oh my God, Pete, you can’t just ask…”, you intervened, trying to save Loki from further discomfort.

“It’s okay, they’re… well, they’re gone”, he said with a soft voice, raising his eyebrows as who tries to explain to a little kid why their fish is upside down, leaving to the imagination the typical trace of sadness that would follow. His eyes focused on the mixing bowl, reminiscing another time, another way. Eyes of someone who tries his best to never forget the little details from someone who’s not here anymore, because memories are all he has left. He immediately snapped out of his thoughts and tried to play it cool. “But guess who’s not gone? This dough on the floor. Let’s clean it up, kid”.

“Gone as in dead?”, insisted Peter, who had a very poor self control. You would’ve grabbed your face with eight hands if you could.

“Peter, don’t…”.

“Yes, they’re dead. Inside a coffin, rotting, getting eaten by worms. You know”, said Loki, this time jokingly, trying to scare off Peter. But it didn’t work, since Peter just kept asking about it. Loki was already too tired of having to take his brain yet again to places he didn’t want them to be.

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Loki. Must be very painful”. The empathy in his eyes gave Loki the hint that he was not only being sincere, but curious about Loki's life. Interested, engaged. Not just morbidly curious, but wanting to get to know him better. Unfortunately, Loki couldn’t allow that. He would have to get the mission done, not make any friends, and go back to Asgard as alone as he came. It was the deal, the price he had to pay, the invisible handcuffs, the imaginary rope tying around his neck. Tightly, tightly, tighter.

“It’s alright, it was long ago”.

“Was they Asgardian, like you?”.

“I’m not actually Asgardian. I was raised there, but I’m from Jotunheim”.

Loki managed to move the conversation further than his lover (which he regretted highly to have brought the subject in the first place), and Peter got more and more interested in confirming how many of his mythology stories were true or not. The kitchen was the warmest place in the whole compound, and something started to smell like burnt sugar.

“So you did actually make Sif, Thor’s wife, bald? And did he make you go get her a wig in Svárthelfeim?”, he asked at the speed of light, and Loki laughed.

“Lady Sif’s not actually Thor’s betrothed. And no, I didn’t make her bald”, he said, and then muttered “she just happened to have a very low quality shampoo”.

“Ah, the cookies!”, Peter turned off the stove and took them out carefully, as to not get burned (again).

Loki peeped through the window to check on you. Your head, laying tiredly over your hands, seemed to be about to give up on you out of exhaustion. You haven’t slept properly since the mission started, and you couldn’t get your head off work for a moment. He approached you from behind and left a fresh cup of coffee and a couple of warm cookies by your side. You smiled at him gently and thanked him. If it wasn’t him you were talking about, you could’ve swore he blushed.

You have gotten so tranquil after one simple gesture, you hoped to get all your nerves down before going to sleep. Maybe it wasn’t that bad to have been stuck with them in the compound. They seemed to be having a good time, and Loki had nothing on his mind more than to have a rest after such hectic days.

“How long until you finish there?”, he asked with a low voice, a raspy, almost groany voice, that made you want to shut your computer down and throw it out of the window. You didn’t, instead, you checked your clock.

“Very soon, I’ll join you guys in a bit”.

#loki #loki fanfic #loki fic #loki headcanon #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki x gender neutral reader #loki x avenger!reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki friggason #mcu loki #peter parker #y/n

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genshin-obsessed · 3 years ago

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I dread everything about school, sure, I got some friends. But that doesn't help ease the pain of having a mental breakdown the night before school starts.

I've given up trying to ask my mom or dad if I could get a day off, my mom wouldn't allow me since my dad won't let me. My dad has said he only cares about my education, so I don't see the point in trying anymore.

I envy people who have a mental break day where they can skip school/work. Even in the weekend I can't get rest without thinking about tomorrow. I had a breakdown last week and ended up being yelled at by my dad. Now I really don't think he cares about me besides getting an education.

I already plan on getting an actual job, started a business, how much longer do I have to suffer before I can just get a day off? Or when will I ever be good enough for him?? I'm trying to do things that make me useable enough for society, even though my grades are fucking failing and I can't stop lashing out on things.

These things don't matter anyway, he'll just end up telling me again "and I don't want to go to work" then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT JOB?? fucking peice of shit, he doesn't care about my mental health unless it makes me unable to be a working citizen and get an education.

I'm so fucking tired, I'm trying to keep everything in, but I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid that something will happen that I can't control. I don't want to hurt someone again, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in.

I just have to suck it all up, going to school like nothing happened, again. My suicidal thoughts have started to come back, my anxiety has been worse and worse, and I feel like relapsing again.

The only reason I don't self-harm anymore is so I don't get put into a mental hospital again. But if I end up not keeping all these urges and thoughts away then I'll just end up in the mental hospital or worse, an actual prison. The mental hospital felt like a prison anyway, which is why I'm scared to tell any teacher or adult at my school.

It's also 1am, and I shouldn't be bothering anyone with this. I can't bother my sister, she has to get enough sleep to go to work, and with how much little time I get with her now, it's just like when she was in college and i had nobody. My parents are useless in this situation, because my mom would just get yelled at by my dad for suggesting me staying home. And talking to her feels so.. uncomfortable. My dad is just a no. There is no talk about my mental health, if I'm feeling sad, I'll just have to deal with it.

I'm stuck, I don't know how much longer this will last, but probably for a couple more years.

I wish I could easily take my life away, there is hardly anything I want in life anymore.

Just a note before I start: I made a new tag for anyone to block because I’m gonna allow more serious topics with it. I’ll go with the regular tw tags as well, but this one is just one big tag: 🐚— vent

Right, onto you anon. I wanna start by saying I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. I understand, my mother was extremely hard on me in school. She rarely let me take breaks off of school and kept his idea that I had to attend almost every day to be a good student and to have a good education.

Even in college, both of my parents are pretty hard on me to take “good classes” and not “waste” my time. I don’t think many parents understand the stresses of school and it makes it hard for them to understand how terrible those days can be.

The school system is all messed up. Learning subjects that most of us won’t use- unless you’re choose a job in that particular field- teachers pile on too much homework, everything is just memorization at this point, and it gives us little time to relax. The way some teachers even assign homework makes it hard for us to even relax on weekends, which is why we have them. You really only have summer and even then, some parents force their children into extra activities then.

You feelings are valid. 100%. You’re allowed to feel exhausted, especially when you’re not getting any breaks. Getting through high school is the probably the only thing that’s really required for most jobs. But having a college degree doesn’t mean you’ll be rolling in money. It just means you can have a more secure job but by no means guarantees success. Parents don’t realize that.

For you, especially, it’s all building up. I’m sure you already know this to. Holding it in 100% won’t help. The stress also seems to be affecting your school work and it’s making it harder to pass classes which just leads your parents to lash out. It’s a vicious cycle that just doesn’t stop. And the only way to really stop such a thing is to take a step back, but you’re not even allowed to do that.

I think the attempt to please your dad’s ideals is also adding stress. You want to be good enough, and that’s understandable, but sometimes parents project what they couldn’t do onto us. Sometimes, it’s never enough because at the end of the day, they’re not the ones who could accomplish that. I’m sorry to say that and I hope it doesn’t upset you further, but maybe you should try doing this for yourself and not him. Some parents will never be happy- as sad as it is to say that.

I’m glad you don’t self harm, and I’m really proud of you for breaking away from that. Yes, it may just be to stay away from the mental hospital, but I’m still happy you’re staying away from it. Although, I would recommend talking to someone about this, other than me of course, because I can’t do much for you, unfortunately. I can only listen and offer a bit of advice.

Though you don’t want to stress out your sister, it seems like she may be the only one you can kind of trust. Maybe if you’re of age, you could try talking to a therapist or meeting with a school counselor/therapist. They may be able to actively help you, maybe even working with some of your teachers to lessen the workload. Either way, they’ll be more helpful than me.

I want you to know you’re doing an amazing job though. You’re still going after all of this and I know it seems bad, but I know it’ll get better. I know this isn’t much, but I’m very proud of your resilience.

If anything, when you’re on your own and in college, you can 100% take a break and you’ll definitely deserve it. But I do want you to try and talk to somebody you find you can trust. Or try to reach out for help, because something like this can’t be done alone.

There is one thing I think you want and that’s to be free from all of this. School, your parents, the exhaustion, the stress, and so that can be your goal. Though these days will show up often, maybe the idea of being free from all of this while still being able to live a happy life can be that push you need. I’m not sure if you’re able to move away for college, but I would recommend you do that. It’s a little difficult to be on your own, but you’ll get to choose how you live.

I know my response was kinda all over the place, but I really hope it helped anon💖💖 you’re always welcome to come here and talk to me if you’d like. Maybe about school, homework, just to vent, or chat! I would like to hear how you’re doing too 🥺💖

#🌸─ pocket tries #⊱ ─ anonymous #🐚— vent #tw: mentions of self harm #tw: suicidal thoughts #serious #tw: self harm

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ml-salt-central · 4 years ago

Text

So, I finally watched the Miraculous New Your special...

I know this is late, sorry about that. It took a while for me to find a way to watch the special but I finally did so let's just get this shit over with:

Okay, how the fuck are these fucking pidgeons lifting the Eiffel Tower? Do they get super strenght from Mister Pigeon or something?

51 TIMES?! HAWKMOTH HAS CHOSE TO AKUMATIZE THE PIGEON GUY 51 TIMES?! HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU BE, BITCH?!

Astro Cat's design is cool af honestly but Cosmobug's design is awful! Why can't Marinette have a good design for her hero form for once? Oh, right, misoginy...

Okay so, I'm just gonna skip every Love Square scene because then this post would be even longer and I reacted the same way towards all of them, I just rolled my eyes and didn't care

Marinette's still a drooling idiot for Adrien despite claiming that she tries to move on which is... tiring and not funny, JUST LET HER MOVE ON!

Ms. Bustier is having a baby or whatever but I hate her so I don't care

If you saw Ms. Mendeleiev's reaction to Kim calling her a stick in mud and thought that that scene would lead to her trying to be more relaxed and less strict then you get to eat shit because it goes nowhere other than one scene at the airplane

Alya and Nino are just straight up terrible in this special, they spend all of their screen time trying to push Mari and Adrien together despite the fact that Mari said she wanted to move on and that Adrien has a GIRLFRIEND! WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS?!

Miraculous Ladybug: Where cheating is okay as long as it's for the sake of the main pair

I do not like the idea of historical figures being miraculous holders, am I alone on that?

Nathalie's apparently in pretty bad shape for using the Peacock Miraculous too much... good! Die, bitch! Also Gabriel's the fucking worst again, no surprise there

Luka deserves to be an actual character, poor boy is just being done dirty again and again

I said this before but I hate, hate, HATE the fact that there are other superheroes whose powers don't come from a miraculous. This just destroys the already weak world building, New York and Paris in ML don't feel like places that would exist in the same universe and it raises so many questions like how do people like Majestia get their powers? Why don't any of them go to Paris to help stop Hawkmoth since it doesn't seem like that would take much effort? Why are superheroes seemingly an exclusively american thing?

Mister Damocles's owl thing was funny at first but it was kind of annoying here, like this just proves once again that the characters never learn anything, didn't he realize that being an every day hero would be better for him in the episode he got akumatized?

All the american heroes are just knockoff versions of already existing heroes from comics, they couldn't even bother to parody the interesting ones they went with the more boring (and sadly most popular) ones

They made Aeon (the first black girl character of the show) a robot, made her become ivory white when she transformed and gave her the name "Uncanny Valley"... FUCKING YIKES! And that's not even all the things wrong with how her character is portrayed! She isn't even good as a concept! At least the idea of Jess as a character could work if she was written by people who knew what the fuck they were doing

The scenes where Adrien and Marinette can't get through automatic doors are really funny and cute ngl

Normally, I would be all for magic hot dogs being a thing but not on this show

The american heroes having all of their identities being public is just BEYOND stupid! Do the villains just not target their families or try to murder them in their sleep? And if having your secret identity being public has seemingly no consequences then what is Mari's and Adrien's excuse to not reveal who they are to eachother at least? I know the answer is to drag the show out for as long as possible but still!

I don't like the existence of the Eagle miraculous or the fact that there are more miracle boxes out in the world, why add more shit when you've barely explored the things you already have?

Techno-Pirate is boring and his name being Miracolonizer when he wields the Eagle miraculous is just... all kinds of uncomfortable

Adrien throws himself a pity party after almost killing Aeon due to him getting angsty mid-battle, I don't feel bad for him at all honestly

Knightowl looks so ugly without her suit, holy shit!

How the fuck did Jess know the deactivation words for the Eagle Miraculous' powers? Also her suit is so ugly! And her hero name is just "Eagle", at least Ladybug is now tied with someone as the blandest hero

Why the fuck did Knightowl and Sparrow hide the fact that they were female? Like there are plenty of other female heroes around so it's not like they're gonna be judged for it and if it's to hide their secret identities then why are they the only american heroes that do so?

The Miraculouses just keep piling on, making them even less special than before but now with the added bonus that they now seem like a pretty shitty power source compared to the american heroes' superpowers

Lastly, what's up with the technology in the ML universe? Like most of the time it feels like the show takes place in modern day but then we get these very advanced pieces of machinery out of nowhere and it feels so... jarring and inconsistent

In conclusion:

The fuck was all that?!

#ml salt #ml spoilers

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ace-oreos · 4 years ago

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Aaaah! Thank you!!!

(However, I'm afraid I'm not here to help, I'm here to make it worse!)

I've got a prompt if you're still taking them : Alpha and Fordo being assholes to each other but always having each other's backs // or some good old fashioned Jango guilt in his POV when Baby Alpha shows that he's not just some flesh droid

♡♡♡♡ Thanks ♡♡♡♡

Of course! 😄

I mean, I really can’t complain, can I? XD

Okay so I absolutely love both ideas. I went with some Fordo and Alpha snippets this time around, but I am definitely going to do something with that Jango prompt, too.

Alpha hoped to make a discreet return to barracks - which isn’t all unusual, given that he isn’t one of the GAR’s conversationalists - and thinks he might just have gotten away with it until he enters the code for the quarters he shares with Fordo.

Fordo refrains from an overt reaction, but the slight raise of his eyebrow says enough.

“It isn’t polite to stare,” Alpha informs his brother tartly.

“Would you rather I let you bleed out?”

“I’d rather you left me alone, actually,” Alpha grumbles, peeling back the sleeve of his bodysuit to examine the damage.

“What kind of brother would I be if I did that?”

Alpha is too busy cursing the Separatists and their shabla commando droids to bother answering. If he hadn’t been caught up fending off a squad of B2s while the Jedi in command was off playing hearts and minds with the unwilling locals, he might have noticed the greater threat sooner. He’s trained to deal with melee weapons, of course, but it would have been an awful lot easier had he been able to engage them without worrying about the B2s.

“Hey,” Fordo says, nudging him gently. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Trying to keep my arm from falling off?” Alpha says through gritted teeth.

His brother doggedly continues. “The fight’s over. Stop replaying it.”

“Thanks, vod. I’ll remember that next time I’m seconds away from a bloody death.”

Fordo patiently hands him a wad of bandages he stores under his bunk for these exact situations. Alpha, now wishing his brother didn’t know him so well, accepts with a sigh.

“You really should get a medic to take a look at that,” Fordo advises.

Alpha bites the inside of his cheek to hold back a hiss of pain. The gash is deep, running the length of his forearm and curling over his wrist. Blocking a vibrosword with his gauntlet was admittedly a poor decision, but it was that or be ripped open by the blade.

Fordo still doesn’t seem content that Alpha is capable of attending to his own wounds. “I never thought you of all people would act like this.”

“Like what?” Alpha snaps, finally at the end of his patience.

“Like Jango,” Fordo says sharply.

The deafening silence stretches between them. If Alpha wasn’t thinking that collapsing from blood loss is a real threat at this point - if Fordo had let him alone in the first place - if his brother hadn’t felt the need to dredge up memories and emotions Alpha thought he’d long since moved past -

“Usen’ye,” he snarls. “Don’t ever say that again. Tayli’bac?”

“Whatever you say,” Fordo bites back, “Lieutenant.”

In the end, Alpha is left to deal with his wounds himself. The first set of bandages are useless by now, but he’s less than eager to be fussed over by a medic. So he cleans and dresses it sloppily, shoving away the first twinges of remorse that creep up on him as he works.

Fordo returns some time later. Alpha is already curled on his bunk, cradling his bad arm. He hears Fordo place something next to him but doesn’t open his eyes until he hears his brother’s breathing even out in sleep.

Alpha gropes around until his hand makes contact with something on the floor. It takes him a few seconds, but he eventually realizes Fordo must have made a visit to the medbay. There’s a pile of fresh bandages and some bacta waiting beside his bunk.

__________________________

“Are you planning on staying awake until Kamino dries out?” Alpha demands. Fordo has been working through a mountain of mission reports for the past six hours like he didn’t just return from a months-long deployment.

“Duty calls, vod’ika,” Fordo answers without looking up.

“First, quit calling me that. Second, you’re about as useful as osik when you’re exhausted.”

“Someone has to do it, and you don’t have the security clearance to see these,” Fordo says before breaking off in a yawn.

“Security clearance my shebs. I got promoted, remember?”

“Hard to forget when you won’t shut up about it.”

“I wouldn’t bring it up if I wasn’t concerned you won’t ever get through those,” Alpha says indignantly. “Look, there’s nothing saying you have to have those sorted immediately.”

“You know Maze - he’ll get that disappointed look, and I’d hate to deprive him of what little excitement he can come by on Triple Zero.”

Alpha allows himself a long-suffering sigh. “Maybe you should stop on Coruscant for a spell. Then you could get some rest.”

“Aww, are you worried, ver’alor?”

“Worried that you’re going to screw up and give a regiment orders to take out the chain of command,” Alpha retorts, and snatches the datapad from Fordo’s hands.

His brother yawns again before commenting, “You’re too stubborn for your own good.”

“You’re too tired to be passing judgement,” Alpha returns. “Get some rest.”

Fordo sighs. “Fine.”

“Good to go,” Alpha says, but his satisfication is short-lived when Fordo follows up with, “As soon as I’m done with the next lot.”

There’s no changing his brother’s mind once it’s made up. Fordo takes the datapad from Alpha unprompted and returns to his work.

He refrains from commenting when Alpha sets a cup of caf down on his desk with more force than is strictly necessary two hours later.

__________________________

Alpha can’t for the life of him figure out when Fordo had time to become something of a social butterfly. His brother is dedicated, disciplined, everything Alpha remembers him to be - but he also has a way of applying those very traits to just about anything, regardless of whether it’s relevant to the war effort.

“Don’t be a killjoy,” Fordo says, like this phrasing of their ongoing argument will somehow change Alpha’s mind.

“I’d be more of a killjoy if I let you drag me all over Coruscant, trust me.”

“I refuse to believe that until I have firsthand evidence.”

“You do that,” Alpha says, fully uninterested in the prospect of spending the night exploring Coruscant’s social scene.

Fordo appraises him. “Scared, Seventeen?”

“I’m not scared,” Alpha snaps, because while they might be the GAR’s finest he still can’t let something like that go unrefuted.

“Half of my squad is going,” Fordo says coaxingly.

“Fordo. No.”

“I’ll just have to tell Mereel you’re too shy.” Fordo sighs theatrically. It’s not much of a strategy, but it certainly gets Alpha’s attention.

“Wait, what does Mereel have to do with this?” he asks, frowning.

“You two seem to get along so well, it’s only fair that I tell him his vod’ika is too coward to step outside his comfort zone for a little while.”

“I’m not - it’s not like - don’t bring him into this!”

Fordo grins. “Then you’ll come?”

“Do I have a choice?” Alpha grumbles.

“It’s me or Mereel, ner vod.”

Put up with his brother’s incessant nagging or Mereel and everything that comes with him. Alpha doesn’t have to spend long weighing his options.

He even starts to enjoy himself a few hours in. Fordo’s men are lively, eager to experience Coruscant for themselves, but they make space for Alpha, too.

Fordo sends Alpha a knowing smirk every so often. Alpha doesn’t let it get to him - but he resolves to take Fordo to the mats sometime soon.

#alpha-17 #alpha 17 #captain fordo #captain maze #jango fett #the clone wars #star wars #fic prompt #thanks for the prompt!#these two have a fun dynamic

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